rustybobbypins

so quick bright things come into confusion

2009-09-06T19:00:00.000-07:00

just thought it's funny that Helena's sentiments from Midsummer Night's Dream are pretty much akin to how i've been feeling for the past few days. wwwweird. it just came up to me as i was showering this morning. in fact, just a few minutes ago.

a quote that sprung up in my head

"I am your spaniel;
The more you beat me, I will fawn on you"

& it was adequately funny that i could not, for the life of me, recall who this quote was meant for.. i knew who his character was, just couldn't remember what the heck his name is!

Hermia... check.
Helena... check.

umm..

Oh yeah. Lysander! .. check

AND I SWEAR I COULD NOT REMEMBER . for some odd reason i kept thinking his name was something along the lines of Archimedes. *shrugs*

Went straight out of the shower and checked, and yeah. Answer's Demetrius.

Oh how different O Level Lit was. Fun, sugarcoated and made all the more enjoyable by Mr Roy Ng, who i miss terribly. Wonder what he's doing now, cos I heard he quit teaching.

Not saying A Level Lit is any worse. Let's just say its... rigorous shall we.

Off to the Army Open House 2009 with Wani!

2009-09-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

CHIONG AH!

debonair my arse

2009-08-26T20:13:00.000-07:00

so here i am in the insanely cold library in school. blogging. on a thursday morning. well it's still considered an afternoon right the clock doesn't read anything after noon. but it feels like noon. somehow.

the week has been really packed, but the fasting month has be a-awesome. :) i don't think my body's gotten used to the meal timings and all.. which explains the constant lethargy i feel right after breaking fast. it could, of course, be purely psychological. but basically, this laziness i feel has been making me feel less motivated to study and all. which is bad. i cannot allow this to happen. oh which reminds me that ma brought back sushi and lasagne yesterday. nom nom.

but i dont know. i've been pretty lax with myself these few days.
i think i should.

good conversation at the start of the day with the ex.
"we're no longer together so you gotta do what you want for yourself, izza. it's no longer about you & me. it's about you for yourself. and me for myself. so do what you want. each man for himself."

i get what you mean. thank you. :)

clocks

2009-08-25T22:03:00.000-07:00

lovely night.
rush of the blood to the head, much the same for any first experience.
nice quiet meal.
funny exciting and pleasant all in one.

i want to watch.

just cos i think michael cera's so cute.

jeux d'amants

2009-08-20T04:05:00.000-07:00

chasing pavements.

so this is it, the end of a 2 year relationship. i don't remember how long exactly we've been together... too many ups and downs, too many in's and out's. yet i've learnt so many things. for 2 years we've grown so accustomed to each other. we've been through quite a lot of things, eh? so much that we have at various points taken each other for granted, hated each other, refused to look at each other in the eye, denied each other of the truth & nothing but the truth.

but here i am, typing this out, at the end of 2 years, and i don't feel like i regret anything.

i don't know about you. perhaps i will never really know the true extent of the hurt i've put you through. neither am i trying to know, because it will put me to shame.

relationships are never about a single person.
at least 2 people are held accountable for every single night spent crying, every morning kiss, every argument that started out due to a slight blunder, every stretch of road when we held hands, every joke you made which put a smile to my face, every joke I MADE which fell flat, every scream i made in public, every hug before we left, every "goodnight sayang, take care" before we closed our eyes before the next morning, every piece of reassurance we gave each other when we taught of the future, every streak of violence you had, every bitchfit i made, every hour you spent patiently reminding me what i was doing wrong, every hour i spent consoling you about how i knew you would change, every movie we watched, every meal we had, every stare that led to a "WHAT!?1", every complaint i had that you bolstered, every saturday spent with you, every little thing you did which led to distrust and hurt, every little thing i did which led to anger and pain , every time you were late, every time i was late, every trip we had when we were too broke to shop, every random stranger we laughed about, every single dream we had together.

and it's making me cry even as i post this, but at the same time i know this is the right thing for me.

because i asked for it. i initiated this.

because i know myself more than anyone else. and you have to realise that at every single juncture in your life, you gotta. you gotta. step back and take a breath and look at whatever's happening. whether or not it's something you truly want. if it's something you need. if it's something you want YET.

and i know, i just know, that it's really not the correct time for me to have this.
have a relationship.

it pains me to think that i'm losing one of my best friends.
but it's better now than never.

and i thank you for meeting me for the last time today and holding my hand and telling me you understood.

good luck.

quizzical

2009-08-18T09:03:00.000-07:00

today was a mishmash of good&bad things.

i love waking up late for school. i envy the poly kids man. waking up at 8 is like, BLISS i tell you. and not having to push among sweaty-armpits and compete with unforgving ah-ma's in the trains is... heaven :D

bio spa was horrible. i hated every second of it. 7.5% of a levels. but i did my best, so that's what counts. my sayang Jia'en was so comforting, thanks dear. :)

ANWAR CAME TO SCHOOL! HAHAHA HE LOVES THE MEE REBUS FROM SCHOOL! caught up & stuff.

bio lecture after was 1hr20min of diversity&evolution. as much i love that topic, my brain seriously just... switches off after an hour of nonstop droning la please.

dinner at straits kitchen, where i met nora.

i am so excited for tomorrow. meeting my best friend and a good friend, possibly. :)

please don't be upset. i'm always here man.

bitterheart

2009-08-14T06:27:00.000-07:00

HAHA! fatty's gonna be SO FUMING MAD if he knew the actual EXTENT of my online-shopping addiction. well okay it's not so much of an addiction than it is just a... healthy... penchant? penchant for pretty delicious-smelling, wholesome, natural bath & body products?! hahaha

i got more lip balms & a lip gloss from my lip stuff. the flavours i got this time are : grasshopper (coconut, creme de menthe & cream) , vanilla grapfruit, strawberry cheesecake a la mode, cucumber melon, angel food cake & coconut lemongrass.

went a little bit crazy at etsy.com and ended up getting velvet buttercream lotions from The Garden Bath. aaaahh so scrumptious and compact! angel food cake, lemon chiffon, salty breeze & pina colada. and of course the lip butters :) they had chai tea latte! hahaha.

thanks kakak for the "hong bao" which has made all this shopping possible, as well as for abang for rendering his paypal services to me.

okay now i shall patiently await.

ps - make-up lit lecture tmr morning at 7.30am. to go or not to go, that is the question.

sans culottes

2009-08-13T07:18:00.000-07:00

i love AC Perbayu. :) and even though the sheer fact that i had to choose this insanely huge group photo to illustrate my love for this crazy bunch of loveable sayangs probably means that we lack bonding time, IT'S OKAY because i know it takes time. :) and you know when it's really a labour of love when you really feel this sincerity in your heart to see things picking up in the club.

our journey's just begun but i'm already thinking it'll end too soon.

*warm and fuzzy feeling*

we will not grow old

2009-08-10T08:21:00.000-07:00

i'm pretty disappointed that i won't be watching fatty's performance on wednesday afternoon. why? because of some GP Common Exam that's gonna eat up 3 hours of my frickin' time. oh wells, there really isn't much i can do about it. was quite sad seeing as to how i had already planned on helping 'Jeksen 5' out with their costumes and last-minute prep. :(

well i guess its the thought that counts.

gundu

2009-08-09T19:09:00.000-07:00

saturday i had breakfast with my parents at jurong point. & then it was going a little crazy at the body shop. my parents left and then it was studying for a few hours at the library (ugh, boring.) before taking the train to the airport because my brother's flight from siem reap landed at 7.47pm but he decided to magically appear a full hour later. leaving me very much hungry. swensen's for dinner & i had the half bbq chicken, nom nom. oh not to forget my mother bought some turkish pide bread and it was NOM! heheh

came back & slept.

sunday was yesterday & sunday was lunch at abang farid's place followed by an invitation to one of my distant relative's wedding... was too damn full to eat anymore. dinner was salad & soup at siam kitchen & then mak in's place for the match. before that we played taboo and ate cream puffs & molten chocolate cakes.

how was sg idol ah? i didn't manage to catch it.

pop chicken

2009-08-07T04:09:00.000-07:00

just some random musings.

why is it that girls have this tendency to have gay best friends? okay this isn't just some impulsive slew of thoughts that was caused by too much chris crocker on youtube, but why? WHY WHY WHY? it's pretty obvious isn't it? maybe the question i should really ask is : despite knowing how much girls love their gay best friends, straight guys (who are potential boyfriends) just don't bother picking up on the good things these gays do for their girlfriends. it's just not fair how you go shopping with your gay & he'll DEFINITELY MOST DEFINITELY pick out the best outfits for you while being brutally honest and even follow you until.the.very.last.shop.you.want.to.peek.in ... but your boyfriend? HAHA not in a million years. ever wondered why the F21 at vivo has those big white platforms where they put their mannequins? i mean, they prolly could just place them on the ground. go in the store during its peak period and you see the whole row being filled up with boyfriends,dads,husbands,brothers sitting. looking bored as usual.

& no people, i am not ranting without any proof for i am not known to shoot without prior experience. just the other day at tampines 1 after lunch with fatty i suddenly remembered about dropping by the new bathbodycare shop, Mt. Sapola. (i had, just a week before, went into the store only to be PAMPERED AS FUCK by the 3 female assistants there. they were all over me like pigeons to bread. i wanted to get back to buy the handmade soaps) so i casually said to fatty, "eh i wanna go mt. sapola.." and he gives me this 'wanna go then go la' look. SO UNINVITING! i mean, i could've gone, but the point i'm making here is... WHY ARENT STRAIGHT GUYS TRYING TO GET INTERESTED?!!?!? (oh and of course we ended up not dropping by :( )

guys, seriously.

it's just wrong to act interested in like, the first 2 months of the relationship. don't give us girls this cock & bull about how you think musicals and dance recitals are fascinating and how much you love to know about our shopping experiences. how you think bath & body products are the awesomest shizz! AND NEVER EVER. EVER. pretend that you are interested in the thin line that separates a certain hue of lipstick to the next. (we know you still think lipgloss & lipbalm is the same thing.)

:(

d'avignon

2009-08-06T05:13:00.000-07:00

on tuesday i ended school at 2pm so i was about to meet fatty who supposedly "finished at 2pm as well" but ended up spending 3 hours in boon lay library waiting for him because his class miraculously ended up stretching all the way until 5pm. what a jerk kan! :P hahaha well i got some solid alone time just studying and browsing the lit anthologies there so yeah... good thing he made me wait.

so anyways i didn't have anything better to do so i picked up this cute book.

The McSweeney's Book of Lists which is just some weird ass book with random lists, many of which makes me believe the author has this .... screwed up obsession with unicorns?1?1 hahaha okay well yeah i liked these ones.

TOTALITARIAN INSTITUTIONS THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE FITTING FOR GEORGE ORWELL'S 1984, CONSIDERING HOW THAT YEAR TURNED OUT

Ministry of Denim
Ministry of Footloose Starring Kevin Bacon
Ministry of the Beff & Where it Currently Is
Ministry of Girls Just Wanting to Have Fun
Ministry of Fools, and the Pity with Which Mr. T Regards Them

CHAPTER TITLES FROM MY CREATIONIST TEXTBOOK

Thursday
Saturday
Embryos
Friday
Homosexuality
Wednesday
Monday
Thermodynamics
Tuesday
Candlemaking

INAPPROPRIATE NAMES FOR SPECIALTY FURNITURE SHOPS

Stool Samples
The Ottoman Empire
Knobs
Great (one) Nightstands
Getting the Chair

hahaha... they made me crack up like some airhead in the library.

there are probably 2 groups of people, 1 group comprising those who can't believe i found any of that shit funny, and the other comprising those who can't believe i copied these down and feels this was a total complete waste of 10 minutes of my life.

hahaha but it leaves a smile on my face! :D

matrimony

2009-08-03T07:41:00.000-07:00

1 August 2009 saw my one & only darling sister getting wed to Abang Farid in the morning followed by a beautiful majlis persandingan that lasted till early evening. She deserved it, & I wish her & Abang Farid all the best in their future as a married couple.... oooh and I want a niece/nephew asap please! :P

promise to post pics up soon.

2009-07-29T05:57:00.001-07:00

i found a way to let you in, but i never really had a doubt.

haru haru

2009-07-23T01:41:00.000-07:00

love the tingle the peppermint foot spray gives my tired feet ;)

plop.

2009-07-21T04:34:00.001-07:00

when the time comes for me to realise how disorganised my life is right now, i know i will step up to it & make a change.

i'm beginning to really question what i want to achieve after 2 years in ACJC. i'm beginning to feel that time is moving too fast, even though we're only barely a little bit more into a quarter of this entire journey. it's already August & i'm feeling the pinch of regret of not having put in my best, in both my studies and my CCA. i don't want to emerge dissatisfied when i look back upon the 2 years i'm about to invest in ACJC.

i think it's about time egos are put aside. cut yourself up real deep and be more open with yourself and more importantly, be extremely honest with how you feel about yourself.

i know i've got to study because i'm not like the geniuses that Singapore is just overflowing with. i'm not some A*-Star-Science-Research-whatchamacallit scholar with noble dreams of forming the next big thing. i'm not some mini-Cyril-Wong who can produce brilliant, uncliched and poignant poetry even as i'm just.. doodling. i'm not a history-enthusiast who actually is able to link up the different wars of the past and come up with some extraordinary theses. i'm not any of those.

i know my limits.
i don't try to pretend.

but at the same time, i've come to realise that the system wouldn't allow drop-outs to remain in the safe and glorious streams to lead to success. i know that.

so i shall work hard. :)

& the bright lights turn to night

2009-07-15T07:40:00.000-07:00

say, i love you. reaaaaally, i do! hahaha.

now i think i've felt what it really is to be on the brink of utter boredom in a relationship that seemed stale, a connection that was wavering towards plain non-existent ... and then something magical just happens out of nowhere it seems like your heart transcended into your subconcious thoughts and tweaked it a bit or something along those cosmic-horosocopey-shizz-that-i-dont-wanna-get-into-now & BAM! you feel like you're in the sweet and innocent first 3 weeks of dating the person who's sitting opposite you. your head tilts into an awkward angle and you begin seeing your partner in a completely different light. & then you start to feel that hey! , the books and magazines were true, weren't they? all it takes is a simple date.. simple but nonetheless decadent & meaningful to enjoy this fulfilling sense of.. rejuvenation. like this 2-year bond is being renewed in a matter of seconds all because your feeling has changed. you feel lighter, you feel that for once you dn't have to worry about expectations-not-yet-met or conflicting-ideas-bound-to-reappear.. and that.... things will be alright.

i love you :D

for us it was comfort food. the sort of meal that abstains you from snacking or even getting a good breakfast because you know nothing beats eating with your significant other at what, 5pm? now that's an ungodly hour for the first meal of the day. neither lunch nor dinner. you down that with matching drinks & let that digest for awhile...

ICE-CREAM AND LOTS OF IT

i swear we looked like stupid fools. couples around us were carrying little light plastic plates of ONE waffle topped with ONE scoop of ice-cream.. so modest and us? a huge tub of Nutella ice-cream ($9) split between the both of us. we finished it, duh! oh and darling washed the tub for me and i tapao-ed it back for a place to store my knick-knacks.

loved it loved it loved it. :)

turbantibus aequora ventis;

2009-07-09T04:23:00.000-07:00

i was meaning to do a blog post earlier this week but i've been pretty busy since term started again. i didn't think there were gonna be any real, major changes in school but we changed many classrooms & it's been quite hard in getting used to the new places and stuff. when we got our new timetables on the first day i took 1 glance at it & declared tt there were no changes... yeah i'm not too big on details, especially when the details are NUMERICAL LIKE A6.01 WHO FCKING CARES hahaha now i know better

we also changed form teacher because mr lancelot left. & our new econs tutor is really cool, she's a fresh Master's graduate from Cambridge *mouth drops open* yeah i know, that's how the class reacted. cos she looks really young, actually she is, she's only like 23? and she's an alumnus from AC! was pleased to listen to her talk about her experiences in AC.. like i can relate to whatever she said about how she didn't really "fit in" and how she decided to channel that energy from being "left out" into her studies & look at her now... woah :) inspiration lah. so she's gonna be ard till the end of promos. i think i'm gonna miss her after she leaves haha.

i got back GP & math... i passed both Alhamdulillah. could've done better for math, & i consider what i got for GP to be... good. for a first exam, i think i did pretty well. now anticipating Econs (sure die la) , Lit & Bio.

so school is kicking back to full swing... we have like MT Week to occupy us MCS peepo now, and i still have loads of things to do i'm pretty backlogged but yeah to hell with it.

i've got an essay to write,
a full powerpoint to do
MCS Exco interview to worry about tomorrow :D
TONNNNES OF FILING LEFT
and my room to de-clutter (there's a difference between that and clean, mind you)

i shall leave you guys with a beautiful poem i thoroughly enjoyed from a poetry book i borrowed from the library the other day.

Peach

Would you like to throw a stone at me?
Here, take all that's left of my peach.

Blood-red, deep;
Heaven knows how it came to pass.
Smebody's pound of flesh rendered up.

Wrinkled with secrets
And hard with the intention to keep them.

Why, from silvery peach-bloom,
From that shallow-silvery wine-glass on a short stem
This rolling, dropping, heavy globule?

I am thinking, of course, of the peach before I ate it.

Why so velvety, why so voluptuous heavy?
Why hanging with such inordinate weight?
Why so indented?

Why the groove?
Why the lovely, bivalve roundnesses?
Why the ripple down the sphere?
Why the suggestion of incision?

Why was not my peach round and finished like a billiard ball?
It would have been if man had made it.
Though I've eaten it now.

But it wasn't round and finished like a billiard ball.
And because I say so, you would like to throw something
at me.

Here, you can have my peach stone.

- By D.H Lawrence, from "D.H Lawrence : Selected Poems" edited by James Fenton

lovely.

alone time

2009-07-05T04:32:00.000-07:00

some nights you need to sit back, chill & listen to yourself speak out in actions and not words. you need to be alone, with nothing but perhaps a cup of strong coffee or a glass of milky tea (according to your preferences) and a nice line-up of songs playing. & then you choose what you want to do.

rainy sunday nights.
i'm lucky there isn't school tomorrow.

i'll see you later. :)

red blue gold our colours fly!

2009-07-03T08:07:00.000-07:00

some of my favourite FML'S

Today, I went to the doctor. I told her I felt down all the time. She asked me a few questions and she told me I was depressed. She suggested to go home and find the sources of my depression. When I told my parents, they started laughing and said "Yeah, right." I think I found my source. FML

Today, I went to a restaurant and only brought $14 with me to eat. I ordered and ate my meal, then went to the counter to pay for it. I threw $2 into the tip jar then got my bill. My bill was $13.86. I had to reach into the tip jar and take my $2 back so I could pay for my meal. FML

Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

ooooh we got our collegiates earlier on the week, finally. :D pretty pretty.

spandau

2009-07-01T08:20:00.000-07:00

i terribly miss exchanging mp3 players for a week & returning it only after a month to find the batteries died down to the last minute or so, with different Custom EQ's set and a completely new on-the-go list. such differences which make me squeal in delight, such diversity that makes me scream in joy. it's never been better ; you take me on such joyrides which only end up in me learning more about the world. i feel like an inquisitive pure child who is being carried forth in your arms. it's a nice feeling. :)

i am taking the terms exams seriously. maybe it took me thinking twice about my level of seriousness because i wasn't really doing last-minute cramming. but i shouldn't pitch my studying routine to the one i did before the O's. totally different ballgame, isn't it?

most feared paper, Econs, is done. i screwed it up so badly. :(

i hope i do decently well for Lit tomorrow. 2 hour paper.. let's see if my attention span got any better since the sporadic 3-hour-study-sessions i had during the last week of june hols

to my dearest best friend Wani, don't work yourself up too much! <3

Borders + Town date after termination of terms (har har) on friday right after we put up our information posters up at taman jurong cc. V.I.C.K.YISSOCOOLIKE

oh & how come all these closet michael jackson fans started coming out only now? funny(ironic) how a tragedy like death can bring about such fine words and recognition to a legend. but before this, his name was stained with numerous accusations.

sigh. the world works in a funny kinda way.

sushiflower

2009-06-25T07:58:00.000-07:00

Can't quite believe that in a matter of days, I'd be back in school, attending lectures and *reluctantly* dragging my ass off into maths tutorial class, enduring hunger pangs on "20-min-breaks-only" Monday and buying the yummy iced coffee during "1hr20min-breakfast" Wednesday.... enjoying Friday nights. OMG, i just realised that now that drama & bahas are done, there probably wouldn't be many days for me to stay back for MCS.. hahaha! I still have film&radio on Wednesday but that's just like, one day for CCA! HAHAH MY LIFE ROCKS

Okay I will lie now and say that the previous sentence is NOT influenced by laziness, but indeed, a resolution for me to go home and revise *cough*bloodybollocks*cough*! but really, nothing wrong with having too much time on yr hands to study and study and study right

hahaha

hmmm funny i mentioned STUDY. the june hols sorta made me forget what that word means. anybobdy, care to explain?

ok lah it's not like i'm not doing my part. i've studied for like, a week? ok more like 3 days. but yeah, waking up tomorrow to study with WANIIIIIIII

i shall end this post with some items off my wishlist! handmade bath&body products from etsy.com

posies

2009-06-21T10:41:00.000-07:00

time's 1.41am now. i guess i'll be leaving the lappie to revise later. if that ever happens. i think i'm being abit too lax on my studying routine. been abit too kind to myself. then again i'm very much a last-minute sorta person. who knows. can't expect myself to get too lucky for terms. but yeah. with one week left, how much can i really do?

plus i'm down for many many things this week. tomorrow there's semi-finals for bahas 4pm. good luck to ACJC!

today was interesting.... father's day lunch out & then soccer at fico sports hub. it's quite intimidating, the way that guys play the sport. i have no idea how they handle all the fancy footwork. how do they dribble the damn thing? & for that i truly respect women footballers. :D such talent. i totally can't envision myself lugging myself around the court. ok then again i'm just being too hard on myself ; i'm pretty okay at captain's ball, hek hek hek.

i want to get a sugar scrub!

molly on sticks

2009-06-18T08:10:00.001-07:00

been playing around with paint shop pro! (picture above is an example of shit i've been making) ahahha i am such a n00000b! been looking up on psp tutorials but they're mainly like, icon tuts from lj so they don't work too well on the photos i'm working with.. so its mostly been trial&error, but heck its too fun to pass up. its only like a 30 day trial though so i've got 25 days left, omg so many possibilities! too little time!

speaking of TIME, omg procrastination is soooo EBILZ! evil that is.

went out today with fatty for a STUDY-DATE hahaha it became more of the latter than the former, what with sudden urges to take a bus down to island creamery to get our sugar fix but our wallets didn't agree. so we settled for NASI GORENG PAPRIK (ah, kau!)

didn't get much studying done apart from annotating my lit notes and math tutorial.
i am SO behind time it's not even cute.

anyways. i've been occupying my time watching beauty how-to vids from youtube, playing "Baby Lilly Speaking French" on repeat (aaah too cute : ON Y GO) and updating album art on my ipod. if this can get me promoted to JC2, OMG I'D PROBABLY BE TOP OF THE GAME MAN.

HAHAHAHAHAH :(

tu me manque

2009-06-17T04:56:00.000-07:00

what i've been doing

1-5th : CAP '09
6th-7th : Kak Ain & Jumari's weddingggg
9th : PW meet-up
10th : studydate with fatteh
11th : post-production bbq at ECP
12th : wani/mus/ezz/atiqah vivo date <3 ugh so long overdue
13th : stay at home study session
14th : sent kakainjumari to airport / fresh bulggogi for lunch / wisma starbucks / f21 haul

15th : slaccckkk dvd marathon
16th : date with mama after hosp. checkup / BADMINTON WITH JIA'EN!! / makan with fatty

and today, 17th : DVD MARATHON YET AGAIN COMPLETE WITH PIZZA AND MASSIVE COUCHPOTATO-ISM but yes, hardcore night mugginnnnnn. to begin. now.

caravettes

2009-06-13T12:11:00.000-07:00

CAP 2009 : Journeying Home has come & gone, and though i admit this post is pretty long overdue, i think its just about the right time i blog about how enriching the experience really had been for the writer in me. you know how you only start appreciating things for its real value once all the hype's died down & then you start really missing something really badly? i think CAP is one of those things.

what i loved about CAP was the commitment the seminar had towards the theme of Home, and how everything that we did in the week was tied around the theme of finding,definining,changing,discovering,compromising,making home. i've never been involved in a 5-day camp before. was extremely skeptical about it at first, too. only towards the end, i realised the great lessons that could be derived from the plenaries and writing workshops and forums with established writers and so many more. CAP was a dynamic week's worth of programmes thoughfully lined up for aspiring young writers, and i felt so included.... despite the typical nerves you get when you're dropped in the midst of many other elite-school geniuses. somehow CAP transcended such stereotypes & melded all of us into one.

performance workshop : percussion. i had the most fun mingling with the other like-minded music enthusiasts, although only about 5 of us were from JC. heck, the JC Cohort for the entire seminar was TIIIGHT! we had like 40 of us out of a 150-odd candidature. the performance workshop bit instilled DISCIPLINE,DISCIPLINE,DISCIPLINE! what with mr bala's high standards and don't-mess-with-me attitude. the assistants were so cute, including biggie and mat! although we didn't really get to interact with them much. 4 days of workshop and we totally rocked our final piece ; ethnic samba & fusion!

the poetry workshops definitely got me thinking about starting anew with my poems.

many lessons learnt, including the responsibility of any writer to include a sense of social conviction into his/her piece of writing. which, really is, much easier said than done.

that writing poetry really is a condensed thought process.
got to speak with local publishers who gave a very raw insight of the practicalities of opening up a publishing firm in Singapore ; much of which really is a labour of love.

& so much more, really. i was so busy with my pen and paper during every single workshop and lecture. i feel so grateful for such an opportunity. :D

of course, i miss the friends i've made, the great, awesome, laid-back and ever-so-creative minds of CAP. when they say that CAP really brings together a family of writers and artists, they weren't kidding. i love CAP 09! :D thank you.

dan sebenarnya

2009-06-08T03:00:00.003-07:00

yunalis. discovered her today. love her... in the likes of Corinne Bailey Rae.

siwa oasis

2009-06-08T00:18:00.000-07:00

first thing's first, congratulations to Kak Ain & Jumari :D 6th June 2009 marked their official wedding day. Alhamdulillah everything went well. over the course of the weekend, the family got together and helped each other to overcome the little challenges that any wedding would normally pose. this wedding was the first after a pretty long time, so i guess the semangat was there. i'm just so happy for them! weddings are quite an emotional affair, i've learnt.

i'm back from a very hectic week, i don't even really feel like blogging too much... maybe, just maybe, i'll upload the pics soon-ish.

other than that, i've realised that i'm so backlogged in terms of revision, so i need to that now. distinction between need and want. good job izza.

noir

2009-05-25T07:09:00.001-07:00

just got off the phone with fatty. oh my goodness i swear that boy has the answers to every single problem i have. all i have to do is tell him what it is, spill out every ounce of my heart's miscomforts & instantly he makes it better for me. thank you so much fatty.

i swear sometimes along the long long long road towards a destination, one's vision gets clouded quite too easily by unimportant things that might feel & look good. pretty on the outside complex in the inside. i feel that he has successfully managed to redefine what it means to bring comfort to my soul, despite the hundreds of squabbles & tiffs we go through every single week. he feeds my anxious need of reassurance and even sometimes, my self-indulgent need of security. all of this may seem too good to be true, but trust me when i say objectivity is blinded by elation of having found a common belief? belief of trust and sincerity and malfunction in the most convoluted yet beautiful ways possible.

you say she's got a boyfriend she's very much in love with
i say i've got a friend who deserves all the love he needs

coming from me.

i love you.

red bean pau! yum.

2009-05-20T08:42:00.000-07:00

been so busy with rehearsals..... going out of the house by 6.30 and coming back close to midnight, 11.30? hahaha you do the math.

i
am
so
tiiiired

lots of room for improvement still, cast! me included. me very very much included. i need to PROJECT MY VOICE! i pray hard that everything goes well and our message is conveyed strongly, concisely & wisely. Insyallah.

have not been studying or doing any tutorials or notes for the past week.
terribly unproductive academically. i shall not allow the law of diminishing marginal returns to attack me! STRAIGHT AFTER SATURDAY CLEAN-UP! STUDY STUDY STUDY! CATCH UP!

:D baik ah.
let's do this together.

your looks are laughable

2009-05-05T06:49:00.000-07:00

it is quite hard to keep up nowadays, isn't it? HAHA! but fret not, i am definitely alive... not kicking but yeah you get my drift. at certain days i get so tired it's not even funny and you know when you're SO exhausted that you feel like crying? yesterday after getting back i was so tired i just lay on my bed, too tired to get up, too tired to think of getting a shower, too tired to scrutinize the piles of junk that's cluttered around my room (which, of course, would invariably induce a worse sense of guilt) and too tired to SLEEP.

yeah. but before i go on and come across as an ungrateful, whiny brat or depress my readers with a feeling of helplessness, just a note : I AM FINE! i am eating well (too well in fact i had the delish $2 NY Brownie from school today as a SNACK. a SNACK!) i am being pampered by fatty like never before! and although tired & busy, it's a kind of healthy-busy which engages me intellectually much more than the usual busy-but-terribly-unproductive. so yes. i am good. :)

i don't have pictures from kl because we didn't take much.

can't recall if i mentioned this but my dad got me a new canon batt. charger which cost a hefty $99. a big reminder for me not to lose things/treat my stuff with more care

there has been malay drama meeting every day of the week so far

having 2 "fridays" within a week is plain strange. it leads me to think that iskandar should be going for sembahyang jumaat on tuesday. yeah story behind it goes something like this : the school decided to change tue's timetable with fri's cause we've been losing too many fridays. so tuesday becomes friday and friday remains as friday. toooo weird.

did my napfa run and i passed! yay! doing my 5 items on thursday.

skipping drama prac tomorrow because of other exciting things which are leaving me breathless and confused... argh.

perks of being an arts student : essays which will make you cryyyyyyy.

talk to you guys later.

more than words

2009-05-03T08:21:00.000-07:00

i am back safe & sound! :)

body next to mine

2009-04-30T10:39:00.000-07:00

going to KL in about 5 hours... i can't sleep because fatty promised to talk before i went off but he's asleep now. thank god for happy 128! haha, im talking nonsense.

anyways i got my fisheye pictures developed and i'm now $13.30 poorer. the pictures turned out.... amateur-ish but once again thanks Jane Effey for lending me the awesome fisheye 2 last weekend. i was hoping the pictures would take only a day to develop so i could have enough time to scan them in and post them before going off to kl, but yeah. it took 3 days. so i guess i'll do that once i get back.

excited! for the mammoth forever 21 store at Pavillion. it's like 3 times the size of the Vivo one :D and it always has the awesomest and most reasonably-priced accesories. the last time i went there i got such a big haul that i haven't even gotten the chance to wear some of the necklaces out. :D

anddd of course for the abundance of great tasty halal food in Malaysia! definitely a big advantage. a good reason to be piling on the caloriezzzzz

okay la. pray for a safe trip for my family & i. hope you guys have a lovely long weekend as well. catch up with your studies and spend quality time with your families! <3

giselle

2009-04-30T02:46:00.000-07:00

am terribly sick.... the body aches are really driving me crazy. didn't go to school cos of the MC, planned on catching up with the schoolwork but fat hope la. slept for hours but didnt feel much better even after waking up. oh wells.

dinner at carousel tonight. hope the chocolate fountain cheers me up and throws me out of this rut.

mercado

2009-04-27T08:11:00.000-07:00

last week was exceptional.

saturday's drama session was made earlier due to Semarak Temasek on Saturday. so the jjc people came down on friday and i ended lessons early so we had drama! script writing.. nothing much. i asked anuar if i could go home earlier & he let me. besides, i was a good girl & did everything promptly!

crashed ngee ann poly's freshmen dance party... it's called hop night.

the thing started at 7am but i was late. met wani & the rest and was pleased to see musfirah & rohaida at the clementi bus stop (read : fellow semarak temasek participants!). there were MANY gatecrashers la. in fact i think it got pretty damn obvious cos the security got considerably tighter.

perks of having a year 3 relative. thanks abang aiman. :D

even met some of my old primary school mates! syafiqah and diyanah. took loads of pictures.... yeah they're up on facebook.

loved it cos it was ages since i met my baby and also because it seemed perfect timing to unwind. beer breath ew!

SATURDAYYYYY

Semarak Temasek 2009!
okay okay cut to the chase.
ACJC WON 1ST PLACING!!
and i won best female vocalist! :D happy ttm can.

but i think more importantly, this whole journey has been such a meaningful one. so many lessons gathered & learnt. at the end of the day i'm so glad we had fun , we gave it our best and A BIG MERCI BEAUCOUP TO FAMILY & FRIENDS WHO CAME DOWN AND SCREAMED FOR US! especially my sister,brother,abang aiman and my best friend wani, odah, mira, shairah and of course Cikgu Jamilah! and the SENIORS :D

i swear i had the worst butterflies seconds before the whole thing. the best thing about performing is that you allow yourself to transcend reality and become somebody else for a few minutes. and minutes before its over, you start getting so comfortable on stage you hardly wanna get off. well at least that's how i felt on saturday.

but trust me, i don't ever want that scared feeling anymore. not anytime soon please?
hidayah started tearing up because she was so nervous! hehe.

after the whole thing went to simpang bedok for dinner. and then starbucks at SSC for Java Chip.

pictures also up on facebook darlings.

okay. off to chat with fattybombom.

mourir

2009-04-22T05:56:00.000-07:00

dead dead dead.

gp resource file
PI
study for bio test tomorrowwwwwww

oh and random thought of the day : i miss french i want to give madame a surprise visit! tasneemmmm let's go okay? and take DELF EXAMS TOGEETHER TOO! :D

edit/
just got off the phone with wani. i miss you forever & ever & ever.

hard candy with a surprise centre

2009-04-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

out-taker girl

practically all the jc kids have been blogging about their PI's and how stressful coming up with the ideas have been.... i'm not very much different, found out today that i've been drawing up ideas which are too far fetched and completely not realistic. and i only have today to turn everything upside down, and somehow magically produce a final DRAFT 3 tomorrow.

thank goodness our final copy will be submitted by Monday.

which makes me think.. that sometimes i really do live for the moment. i'm not very far-sighted. like, right now the only thing i'm REALLY anticipating is Saturday's competition, and then maybe Monday cos of the PI thing.. but for the past 2 weeks, i haven't been thinking beyond that, and what will lie ahead of me ultimately.

very short-term thinking.
thankful i have friends like Jia'en who, despite battling the ever-so-brutal Monday Blues, before mass pe had told me very enthusiastically, "5 MORE WEEKS IZZA! 5 MORE WEEKS TO JUNE HOLS!" and i'm standing there secretly wishing that the whole world could be as optimistic as her. (:

but yeah.... somehow the thought of 5 more weeks is lingering and it's pushing me to go on. despite all the shit that has been surrounding me, the homework left undone, the dissatisfaction when i realise i'm too tired to flip open my study journals to make notes, the slipshot work as a consequence to TIGHT DEADLINES, the people whom you wish you could strangle and see die choking (& the trouble they loooove imposing on you) ....

i still love school. i love all the drama that encircles every little thing that's going on. because i realise that there is a lesson learnt after everyday.

start a day with a prayer to God and end it with thanking Him for the lessons learnt to make me a better person. Alhamdulillah. (:

ON A BETTER NOTE!!!!

got my Runwaybandits package today in the mail. was patiently awaiting it, and almost thought that it got lost in the mail, but it came today! big fat package with 2 dresses i ordered a week ago. and yes i am happy and raving about it because i really thought it was lost and was going to swear off registered mail but yessss i can now continue with my cheapo habits. yes, what, $2? is alot to me.

but the money i spent on the latest haul was my savings... so yeah. fatty don't scold me la.

don't you care yeah

2009-04-16T06:42:00.001-07:00

there is not one muscle in this body of mine which does not ache. :( blame it on mass pe on monday, swim pe today and a nice *sarcasm* long day spent traveling.

oh and since my footsteps are being closely monitored *cough* freedom of speech please *cough* i guess i won't be blogging much.

what do you do if all your loved ones are suddenly missing? my parents and sister went of to KL and will only be back on Saturday Night. Fatty has been SO busy with his camp and the stupid nightwalks and games and cleaning up and organizing that it kills me. But luckily this week has been moderately busy for me too.

GP Package test just now.
H1 Maths test tomorrow. meh.

don't be surprised if i start using my lj soon-ish.
i feel better-ish now.

thank-ish.

pink poodle

2009-04-14T06:10:00.000-07:00

it's very easy to get distracted.... haha. i didn't pay attention to both bio and econs lectures today... because of some shitty thing which happened all of a sudden, concerning Semarak Temasek 2009.

oh! and i just realised that i haven't announced here that ACJC actually got through to the finals of the competition.

we will be performing a short 7-min piece with the given theme "LAYAR PERAK HITAM PUTIH" or "BLACK & WHITE SILVERSCREEN"! 25th April 2009 at TEMASEK JUNIOR COLLEGE AUDITORIUM. yes and we are definitely appealing for supporters, so anybody who's anybody who feels that they love me/ACJC/Hidayah Syafiqah Mira Fiza Vebi Syahida enough to depart with a green $5 bill, please feel free to contact

1.) me

2.) these ticket sellers from TJC!

as quoted from the mass email they sent out,

Untuk tempahan tiket atau sebarang pertanyaan, sila hubungi Syazwani(83504291),
atau Nabilah(96552722). so yes i'm not spreading your numbers okay~ :P

you will not only be watching us, but 6 other schools competing! hahaha.
also cultural performances by TJC themselves.

done.

lesson learnt today:
being in ACJC opens up my eyes to the many different personalities in people that life has to offer. and it teaches me to step out of my comfort zone, to learn how to be impartial in order to lead, to set aside emotions from getting in the way of professionalism. it's hard... it's harder than i thought but i'm glad i'm being trained now. it eats your heart out after awhile though, haha!

fatty's at camp now. hmph. call me a party pooper but i don't like that he's telling me he won't sleep. i know thats what.. camp culture or something but i want him to rest well. he gets cranky if not.

okay la.
i've got a tonnnnn of things to do. goodbye.

sambal ikan

2009-04-14T03:59:00.000-07:00

OH.MY.GOD! hahaha my aunt's cooking up sambal fish for us for dinner.. and right now i can hear the spicy sambal simmering, and it smells....... soooo good.

droolsssss

i'm gonna update tonight! a billion things to do! hahaha nvm. :D later.

envirolympics!

2009-04-11T05:16:00.000-07:00

hey guys!

clock reads 8.16pm but im already soooo tired. i'm talking 3am-without-the-aid-of-coffee kinda tired! hahah that's cos we finally finished the National Youth Envirolympics Challenge '09 today! yeah, Jane & I were station masters for the Connect Singapore game at AMK Hub. i had to wake up at 5.30 specially to arrive at vivo rooftop by 7. yeah, obviously i was late.

so at first Jane & I thought that picking AMK Hub was a good move because it being a typical suburban mall and all, it was supposed to be one of the "easier" options cos we had other choices like Mt. Faber which probably meant no toilets or snack shops.. so we stayed away from those.

but AMK Hub turned out to be a NIGHTMARE. A NIGHTMARE I TELL YOU.

cut to the chase. i confronted a crazy security guard.... some crazy looking bitch/butch (yeah, pick. she fits both categories) who tried to snap a picture of me supposedly sitting somewhere where sitting is not allowed? okay that sounds wrong... but yeah. she didn't come to me PERSONALLY to tell me that i wasn't allowed to sit there, plus there weren't ANY SIGNS, so i got wired up about it.

nobody takes my picture without my permission, fuck.
what more with the intention of ACCUSING me of doing something wrong.

she told jane in the morning that sitting ard that area wasn't allowed. she didn't tell me. she put a big fuss but then we got it settled by calling in our leaders and talking to her, and it turns out AMK hub actually signed an agreement to permit us to use the premises for our CIP activity.

and here she is intervening with a higher authority for something SHE CLAIMS is "wrong"? wtf.

i swear she kept on talking loudly on her walkie-talkie, supposedly complaining to her boss about some teenagers sitting around.

i kept on sitting. fuck, i'm tired what.

then she took out her handphone and snapped a pic of me. i went straight to her and practically screamed at her to delete my pic. but yeah.. of course i didn't scream, but jane said i looked scary HAHAHAHA.

the rude bitch just kept on walking, thinking i would give up... fuck my freaking face is in yr phone i'm not stupid as what you perceive me to be. so i kept following her and questioning her what was wrong with my sitting on the ground, and if there were any to please give me the damn reasons as to why i couldn't sit on the ground. in the end she called her "superior" to come, who first of all told me to calm down. i told him that my leaders would be down in 5 mins to solve the matter and to ask the bitch to delete my picture.

wah in front of the boss can act cute sia that crazy bitch. she has like only 2 teeth left and she kept trying to give me that toothy grin & kept reasoning with me. (oh and no, she's not an old lady. i wouldn't be that mean to an old lady, really. she's just some butch who hasn't been fucked in her whole life with 2 teeth left ) in the end i got what i wanted. i wasn't gonna stop until she deleted the pic and realised she was a big bloody fool. really.

but yeah. i was literally shaking with anger. you don't go around taking pics of people AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION, supposedly because you wanna report me, padehal you never warned me prior to that.

luckily the leaders came down and screamed at her *grins* and after that we didn't see her anymore.

oh yeah.

it was a sorta big scene so there were people looking, but there was this chinese uncle who came afterwards who told us that she always gives trouble to school kids. she probably has some personal vendetta against us. he told us that she deserves it. & that we were right because there really WERE NO signs at all.

i sms-ed fatty after the whole thing. he laughed.
kite sama2 suke carik pasal dengan security guard eh fatty? ke security guard suke carik pasal dengan kite? HAHAHA

security buat hal security ah sial.

2009-04-09T04:08:00.000-07:00

if only i could be studying more relevant subjects... and when i say "relevant" what i mean is subjects that could probably help me in the course that i'm gonna enter in uni. but then again, nothing's ever certain, right? i might never make it to my choice course anyways.

so let's talk a little bit about that.

i can't help but feel like i'm losing out a little in jc... i mean, no regrets and all, but i know of some friends who wish they had just opted for a jc education and i feel like telling them not to, you know? because i think being able to study something that you're passionate about at an earlier stage really is a privilege. now that i'm SO clear as to what i love and what i want to do in the future, it seems almost wonderfully STUPID that i didn't just apply for a diploma course that was sitting right in front of my eyes.

maybe i was too caught up with the hype of the results? influenced by my family's opinions? which i don't blame of course, because there are a thousand more reasons as to why i decided to take the jc path ( but of course i wont bore you )

but i mean.. it's not so much of REGRETTING.
it's more of envy. that i know some people pursuing Mass Comm @ Ngee Ann Poly wouldn't be as sure as i am that THAT would be their trade for the rest of their lives. and it hurts to know that they'll be perusing copies of books with information about broadcasting and journalism and cinema studies and marketing journalism AAAAAHHHH it makes me so green with envy.

& that they'll be able to live Mass Comm. they wouldn't be suffering with H2 ECONOMICS and H1 MATHS and yes, the most striking one here is my H2 BIO ( but i love love love bio because it's so bloody interesting so i shall spare it )

it makes sense.
it makes sense to want to study the subjects you love.
but there's a price to pay i should think..

ultimately i want to write for a local magazine and then work my way up and start writing columns for a small local newspaper & finally take some further studies in business management and start my own business, like a small indie publishing company supporting local talents (artists/writers) and then build up the chain to include a jamming studio of sorts so that fatty, my future hubby, can work with me and we'll wake up early together in the morning and have coffee and go to work together!

hahaha dream on sia izza.

2009-04-08T05:38:00.000-07:00

the more i think about it, the phrase so much to do, so little time really is true.

everybody knows

2009-04-07T05:51:00.000-07:00

granted, i've been working pretty hard. studying hard i guess.... not ashamed to admit that i know very well my capabilities & this time i don't wanna screw up anything.. and though i've learnt from watchin so many live examples that the amount of effort you put in may not be a direct reflection of your successes, luck is abstract and intangible so i might as well play it safe.

AC Perbayu didn't make it through the preliminary rounds for Semarak Temasek '09. s'ok though. was initially damn disappointed, but things happen for a reason so let's just leave it as is. :D

some happy side notes. AC Perbayu 1st drama production for this year is now in the preparation stages.. we've barely started, tomorrow's our first official session but i'm freaking stoked.

i am NOT going for Yamagata on the 15th. stop asking already okay! hahaha it's a school night.. so faham2 aje la.

met up with my baby wani on Sunday for a quick lunch at Banquet JP and then my siblings picked me up and we went to town to shop for a pair of flats.. which amazingly turned out to be a great window-shopping experience for me. time to save up! i'm tryna find a good way to convince my mother to withdraw a fair portion of my pay from the last job i had so i can buy some clothes.. it's been so long since i shopped. saw a lot of nice things.

breakfast at tampines macs

that's wani. hahahaha

yayyyy wanton mee.

it's incredible how many things under the sun you fit into a less than 2-hour meet up with your best friend. no length of text can do justice to the amount of fun i had... what a change to an otherwise pretty damn monotonous week. i love you wani dear!!!! :D

okay lah. i better go sleep now. i'm getting tired.

OH OH OH i almost forgot. listen to everybody knows by john legend. or, if you feel like it, check this guy out. he's hot and sings a damn good cover of the song. i just hope he's not gay.

CLICK!

2009-04-04T06:38:00.000-07:00

i have been made into a happy little girl today because i feel that today has been an extremely fruitful day... feel rather accomplished considering that i haven't even touched my workpile, but who's to care when i'm feeling positively glad & cheerful so it's not a problem for me to start studying right after i get done with this post :D

it's amazing how a teeeeny weeeny bit of shopping can do to your soul. i wouldn't call it retail therapy exactly, because it doesn't really do justice to the term, but i did get hold of a good bargain today so yeah.

the day actually didn't start out as planned. was supposed to meet claris & jane at boonlay station at 8.30 but i woke up at 8.00, which didn't leave me much time to get ready. i figured ohwells i'm gonna be late anyways so i got ready quite properly to ensure i didn't look like an idiot and i reached boonlay at 8.40. jane was still waiting for me so we hopped on to 179 and were amongst the latest to arrive at the LT.

turns out the envirolympics commitee people are super nice and super friendly. :D hhahaha it's been so long since strangers actually made me laugh. i mean honest to God, i don't get much laughter or entertainment from school or my class. different wavelengths. and the seniors are great to talk to as well.

so i'm officially a station master along with Jane. will be stationed at AMK Hub next Saturday as part of a nationwide sort of Amazing Race thingy to raise public awareness on Saving the Earth. hahaha, cool, i know.

another meeting tomorrow to take a look at the various spots... omg they're eating up my Sunday!

so then i met fatty who sweetly enough packed some food from home for me <3 i think that's a really sweet gesture for some reason. you know how they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach? i say you apply that to me, HAHA.

then we just hung out and i tried to skateboard! damn cannot make it please.

we walked around and then i bought a.......... BROWN BELT! for $13. i love it. i think it's absolutely necessary for each girl to have a male shopping buddy because they are the most honest beings on Earth. well scratch that. i may be over-generalizing. but to a certain extent, it is true. i guess when you keep asking them if you look fat, they get irritated but speaking on a very much lighter note, i think they REALLY have an eye for accesories and what goes well with what.

and sometimes, girls go overboard and guys help to mute stuff down a notch... keeping it simple & classy. ;)

THANKS FATTEH!

i decide

2009-03-31T04:39:00.000-07:00

hmmm.. confession. i've been a little lazy to blog. nevertheless i am doing it now before i get any lazier, because my blog is important to me. why, you ask? because it helps me remember things and express my thoughts even if they are of the most mundane and unintellectual nature.

on FRIDAY i couldn't concentrate through the first few periods (which was econs and lit i think) because i was too busy worrying about our final Semarak Temasek '09 submission which Syaf & I were discussing the previous night. we were so desperate because due to our carelessness, we overlooked the part which clearly stated that all submissions had to be mailed to the school. we took for granted that we could email everything straight to the MCS President of TJ and in the end i even had to give her a call and she was so sweet! i was literally letting out sighs of relief when she told me that we could send ours by email. so then i thought our worries were over so i went off to do some reading, trusting that Syaf would email it to her promptly without any difficulties.

the next morning i met Syaf by coincidence at Buona Vista & i was sooo shocked when she told me that the video and audio tracks were too large to fit into an email. st';gkiwe;iotr~? HAHA we came up with all the different possibilities, one of which included uploading the stuff onto an online server and linking it (which now makes perfect sense, if you dismiss the fact that it is SO unprofessional) or even sending Fiza all the way to the east to hand-deliver the hard copies because she ended the earliest among us.

so yeah. i was so worried because that day itself was the deadline. we put in considerable amount of effort into filming the thing and.. yeah.. let's not revisit it.

in the end Cikgu Jamilah saved our asses by not only burning the CD's for us but also calling up for courier service to send the package to the school. when i got the sms from Syaf & Hid i was like.... okay that was a close one. Alhamdulillah. :D now the cast is just hoping that our efforts don't go unnoticed, and hopefully we get through the Preliminary Round. i wanna perform!

school let out at 3.10 for me so i went back home and got a little bit of rest before going for TOWKAY WAYANG! it was superduper fun. it marked the first pseudo-official MCS gathering as all the H1 Malay students had to go (it was made compulsory for them) and of course Hid, Syaf, Mira, Fiza & I, being who we are, just had to go.

Hidayah was late so I went with Mira first to collect our tickets. I love Victoria Theatre, simply for the fact that I've never really been to Esplanade to watch shows before, except the P. Ramlee Musical, so there's always a sense of familiarity and excitement whenever I go for a show at Victoria Theatre. i also think it's more historial and quaint as compared to Esplanade... :D

so here are some pics, yeah?

hahaha :D it was a pity that i had to leave straight after the play, so i didn't get to catch up with the other Melayus.... cos fatty was patiently awaiting me. yes.

hmm... i guess i'll blog about my Saturday & Sunday soon okay? i gotta go have dinner now. bye guys. muah.

running my mouth

2009-03-24T11:13:00.000-07:00

oh my goodness Alhamdulillah it's 2.14AM and my eyebags and spilling out hahaha but who cares cos i finished my task! i swear i am so friggin proud of myself. honestly, even if i don't get into the bloody programme i wouldn't care cos i know at least i finally finished something i wanted to do for so long, and i was so determined at it to. hahaha

5977 words :(

*melts onto the bed*

smell of fresh linen

2009-03-24T07:20:00.000-07:00

i think i am pushing myself to the limit with this portfolio thing that i'm supposed to hand in by TOMORROW MORNING. I AM PUSHING MYSELF TO THE LIMIT TRUST ME IT'S NOT AN OKAY FEELING. "pushing yourself to the limit" should never be underestimated because yes i know it's subjective but when the subject of it starts becoming your health and mental state and everything else that is commonly necessary and linked to Sanity then yes please start worrying nobody's really superman.

but i can do it, i believe in myself ! :D

5 essays by tomorrow! so far i've only written 1. you might scoff at the sound of CREATIVE WRITING BUT TRUST ME IT'S HARD WHEN YOU'RE HARDLY GIVEN ANY GUIDELINES. i'm sorry but freedom of choice has suddenly turned sour. give me some direction please!

God will give me the right direction. I love you God.

shall update again in the morning if i survive this. kalau portfolio tak di-accepted pon da nasib la.

ps - drink dutch lady yoghurt smoothie! i'm advertising it in the picture above. delish and perfect snack for mugging sessions!

risque

2009-03-22T08:01:00.000-07:00

it's so true when people tell you not to do well for anything but yourself. because you want to and you know that you can do it. because you have faith that somewhere towards the end you would be able to reach your goal, or even bigger heights than that. sad to say i am admittedly very easy to please and if, really, i had only pitched my standards based on personal improvement and satisfaction, i really doubt i would have achieved what i have (which, obviously, is nothing to be proud of, really. it humbles me.) but supposing that my current personal opinion of the past results i've gained and the school that i'm studying in now is anywhere above average, then i guess i must have done something right along the way.

it seems almost puzzling that there is still some form of distrust that i see jc life as some joke. it needn't be outspoken, verbal forms of doubt sugesting that i don't understand how challenging the next 2 years will be academically. it just happens in the way some people talk to me or make very sinister comments which seem to point towards the fact that i talk about a certain "fatty" in my blog, or because i seem to be arguing on the phone alot, or that i go out every other Saturday, or that i seem to resign towards the telephone right after getting home.

i don't disagree that it gets TOO obvious at times. but come on. even if you may have some reserved thoughts about me being a ditzy, stupid and unintellectual being who talks about Paris Hilton's love affair with herself 24/7, goes out with the excuse of the library when i'm hitting town for TOPSHOP and other cliche pastimes like hogging Starbucks sofa sets for no apparent reason other than being seen, trust me that i'm not. it hurts to think that living under the same roof hasn't brought out my level of maturity, such that you would be able to invest more trust in me and my actions.

i'm sorry if i come across as an insolent child. i really am not. i just want to prove a point that ultimately, i have goals. goals which i don't write about, primarily because it is obnoxious and unnecessary.

school starts soon. :(

like whoa

2009-03-20T08:47:00.000-07:00

i read not solely because of the pleasure derived from the act itself, but because i know each book i appreciate will put me in good stead for the future.

ring me up if you need to screw something up. if you're a mere percent away from perfection but wish to undo all things positive, ring me. if you're in a rare mood calling for females with barely-there work attitudes.

it's me you're looking for.

:(

get out

2009-03-18T07:09:00.000-07:00

courtesy of poladroid.net. go check it out. it's spiffy & all (my bio tutor uses SPIFFY! haha)

i am craving for many things right now.

2009-03-17T08:40:00.001-07:00

stupid as it sounds, sometimes i wish i was angstier. or given situations where i could feel angst pumping through my veins. it's a pretty dangerous thing, angst is, but i like it. i find angst pretty cute. in fact one of my favourite novels of all time is a perfect portrayal of angst. give the title a guess. catcher in the rye is spot-on. the only reason why i found it such a compelling novel was because the angst that holden was hanging on to spoke out to me. it really didn't take much for me to know that the book was written quite a significant bit of time ago, and how the perception of teenage angst has varied from then till now, but it was so endearing, the way this voice was complaining about every single little thing that irked his slighest senses without trying hard like other novels to set a right time & place for everyting.

bottom line is i don't think i have that much to complain about nowadays.

i am happy. i am thankful. i am grateful. :)

anyways, thanks God for showing me the importance of balance in life today. i have learnt that there is no need to sulk and whine for there is always a time & place for everything. give & get it back some time later surely.

and to fatty, you really are the best. :D

tartar & cavities

2009-03-17T08:14:00.000-07:00

today started off with day 2 of costuming

and ended with

an absolutely-compulsory movie discussion time with some of the greatest people on the planet! we watched Coming Soon. hahaha.

enjoyed today so much. and sorry to the other costumers and xiao yi darling for calling me to invite me to watch WITCH MOUNTAIN with you guys. another time definitely. muah!

left me with a bar of soap

2009-03-13T04:57:00.000-07:00

he said i was of an acquired taste. seems to me he's got the prize for best compliment ever.

march holidays are here! i wouldn't call it much of a holiday, though. no plans whatsoever to go anywhere outside of singapore, but i guess that would be too uncalled for anyways. it'll be nice to spend the whole week cooped up in my bedroom doing nothing but relax, but i know that's a longshot from the reality of things.

i don't have much to do homework-wise.

Lit 'Top Girls' Internet Research

Econs Independent Study

Bio Tutorial 1 - 3 Essays

Bio Practical Graph

Read 'Wide Sargasso Sea'

I could definitely finish all of these by tonight, provided I really put my mind to it. After dinner.

besides that.. just a little hint of what i hope to accomplish by the end of the break.

Set aside a day for Wani and the girls, possibly. :D OMG EXCITING

Meet my secondary school friends, if possible.

Get all my knick-knacks for school.

Finish all the random readings still left unattended

Attend all costume sessions even though it pains me so to be away from home for so long :(

Set aside time for the household.. catch up on spring-cleaning and organising my wardrobe

Catch up on laundry. YES. Laundry.

okay tata!

pink gingham

2009-03-12T06:09:00.001-07:00

the school's annual track & field meet was held on wednesday. at first i was quite disappointed because i didn't hear about the event until the morning itself so i had to cancel plans with fatty. apparently the reason behind wednesdays being the day we get let out earliest is so that any miscellaneous stuff the school decides to drop onto our timetable gets fit on wednesday. which sucks because then it means the earliest i get off is.... 3.10 on fridays?

so the event itself was okay. the lightning alert signal was on the whole time, but the school carried on with the running events and everything else in perfect timing. i was so hungry but guess whaaaaattt

my favourite milo truck was baaack! HAHAHA i swear i kept bugging serene to take some time off to accompany me join the long queue for good, factory-made, unreplicatable cups of milo! and yes i savoured my 2 cups. YAY!

we ended at 6 and although i was dead exhausted & had MUCCHHH reading and stuff to do, i reeeeaallly missed my fatty so we met up for tong seng noodles!

then my parents picked me up and we went home. that's all.

so anyways i just got back from school. michelle dismissed us a little earlier from costume because of terms for the j2s... :D:D:D

dad asked me to get food on the way back and i was too lazy so i got the microwavable dinners for 7-eleven. yeah it's halal. some carbonara pasta thing. and of course iced chocolate!

okay i shall enjoy every bit of my junkfood dinner while finishing up ALLLLLLLL that is on my to-do list. better appreciate the short to-do lists while i still can.

love you guys. muah.

aaja nachle!

2009-03-10T05:10:00.001-07:00

i have been making honeylemon for myself at least thrice a day during the little hours i actually am at home to cure this horrible sorethroat i'm having. it's caused by a throat ulcer. trust me when i say that i'd go for the regular sorethroat any day if i were to be given a choice. an ulcer not only is extremely painful, it makes you feel unhygienic... i can almost imagine a resounding voice echoing from the lump in my throat accusing me of oral dis-hygiene. you can bet my sorry ass i'll start stocking up on air badak from now on.

but i think it's cos of the weather... rather unpredictable nowadays.

i finally got to meet my l'election on saturday. it was a reunion 3 years too late.

tasneem, syafiqah, izza & zafirah!

pity it had to be a farewell party for zaff who's leaving for dubai on sunday. twas a rather emotional affair... i mean who likes seeing their friend go away for the rest of her life? but worry not, we are all blessed with the wonders of technology (even though i beg to differ for various other situations) so zaff will always be a part of l'election no matter what happens, haha. there was alot of FOOOOOD. good food.

oh and the funniest thing was the party was gonna be at muneerah's place from 1-5. syaf & i went together and reached after 5. we planned to meet at 2 but somehow we gatal go & take some stupid bus from bishan and we missed the stop to loyang and ended up at changi airport? so we trained down to pasir ris and were told to take bus 6. we waited for what, 20 mins for bus 6 only to realise that it was not in operation after 3? HAHAHA. funny lah. so eventually we just took a cab down. oh and i hate singaporean cabs. they will purposely only come after 5 to earn that surcharge money. ripoffff

so it was mostly a day spent on the roads of singapore.

after the party i met up with Fatty at Tampines... hung out for a bit then went to City Hall LJS to studystudystudy and eat! <3 loved it Fatty Acids! hahaha

i was going to come up with many other things to say but my homework pile is giving me the EVIL3YEZZ & to wani i seriously do miss and love you but blame jc life and my piggish metabolism which makes me jaded after 6 everyday. i love you the same, if not even more. muah!

insight

2009-03-09T08:19:00.001-07:00

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

sugar crepes

2009-03-06T07:03:00.000-08:00

oooh yes that bag please!

i so desperately need to go shopping. for some new things. namely nifty new stationery like coloured markers & pencils & colourful post-its and bookrings definitely. then of course new socks, new laces, possibly a new bag for school and a new cheaper pair of school shoes because..... yeah! hahaha. i like the cotton on ones which look like dead ringers for keds but it's a little pricey for just plain white shoes. $22 i think? and then i gotta save for my school's pullover because it's pretty and i want it. HAHA

all that materialism aside,

i went for the BPGHS Appreciation Tea today! loved it so much that i couldn't really bear to leave. ended the day at school with bio tutorial, which most of us skived anyways because we were made to do questions which we've done beforehand so we filed into the hall's balcony to watch along the release of the A Level Results. my school did quite impressively well this year, i reckon. :D looking at the happy teary faces on the stage really did serve the right purpose of inspiring me to work hard to get my distinctions by the end of JC. Insyaallah.

before that even happens i gotta worry about term exams and tests and *gasp!* promos! nevermind nevermind. I have faith!

so i met up with Esther and we went back to BP. had ONE chicken wing (should have taken more only the noodles tasted too sour for all its worth) followed by a looong round of photo-taking under the blistering hot sun. it was great nonetheless. i miss the kecoh-ness of my girls and just how easygoing they are.

then we went back to cck and to cut a long story short, we sat at some random playground to just catch up and talk and exchange bio notes (WTF THIS PART HAHA) and made a pact to always exchange notes if ever the need arises.

so now i'm home & i'm still contemplating whether to go for movement workshop tomorrow. i feel way too jaded to go, but then again it could be important. decisions to be made. if there's one thing JC will teach me, it's NEVER to procrastinate. it's like some obsession which starts small but usually ends up with a big, big mess to clean up.

and now i'm too hungry to even talk. i shall cook maggi and drop an egg into the soup. yummmmeh.

i sincerely hope everyone is doing okay. i love you guys.

2009-03-02T05:44:00.000-08:00

monday.

so i ended sch at what, 8.30pm today? had drama again. today we moved on from founder's day ribbons to weaving beaded brooches. it takes skill... and i'm not skilled at all. hidayah and the other girls were much more efficient than i was. even iskandar had a better hand at it than me. i redid the bloody thing so many times i was the slowest. & mine's so damn distorted. HAHA

abah picked me up after that and we picked abang up from school. and it so seems that there was a stabbing and suicide incident in NTU... some indonesian student stabbed a lecturer and subsequently slit his wrist and committed suicide. :O coincidentally during our lit double block mr. woolhead was talking about increasing student suicide rates... i love his little snippets of his experiences of teaching in the bahamas. he said that over there workers get scolded for working too hard. wow. imagine that in singapore. that'll only happen the day cows lactate strawberry milk. (nice analogy eh)

after school i studied and finished up my lit tutorial at the school library. i like the school library. it has a good collection of textbooks and ref notes. and the ambience is ultra conducive. omg i gotta snap out of this whole "sing-praises-to-acjc-facilities" mood.

okay.

what else.

OH i might be taking part in an Envirolympics Challenge. as a group leader. :D just maybe, if luck goes my way. sounds so cool kan.

and i only had a peanut butter waffle for the whole of today. i am so glad i had a good dinner. alhamdulillah.

okay off to find articles.

2009-03-01T02:48:00.000-08:00

i studied today but it didn't give me a sense of accomplishment. i don't really know why. fatty's somewhere out there celebrating a birthday in the company of his friends and wani started her first day of work. it's hard to believe that we are leading such different lifestyles when just last year we were sitting for the exact same papers. i hate it when people say that change is the only constant , even though there is a whole lot of truth in it. which reminds me of the mini OG Outing i had and the train ride back home with serene and madu... haha!

i think jc life is really fun. i didn't expect it to be like this. it's quite a good balance here in acjc... like we have a great choice of cca's and i felt really spoilt for choice. and i never really was serious in my cca during sec sch but now that i am in a good cca, i find myself looking forward to meeting my costumers every now and then.

then comes the academic aspect of jc life.

i've barely started but already the tutorials are piling up. and the content is really different from sec sch standard. it REALLY requires a higher order of thinking... each subject is rigorous and you really have to be thorough in your studying. a lot of mention about metacognition, thinking about how you think... and time management is such a big deal that it's not even funny.

the tutorial/lecture system has been working well for me. i like this new system. i love it in fact.

i guess one major thing i really don't like about jc is the lack of emotional attachment towards the relationships & friendships i have here... :( oh wells 2 years.

embittered

2009-02-28T04:49:00.000-08:00

slumdog millionaire was good. watched it with my parents & brother. what i found most beautiful about it was that the storyline allowed so many different lessons to be learnt by the end of the movie. some more direct than the others. don't go in expecting a movie so-called "worth 8 Oscars". because honestly something "worth 8 Oscars" should be quite unfathomably remarkable. i'm not saying slumdog didn't deserve it. i'm just saying that the movie really means a lot more if you go in expecting something to learn... not to be caught up in the hype of an international film making it big.

and now... for vicky christina barcelona & he's just not that into you. when your boyfriend hesitates when you ask him "scarlett johansson or me?" you're bound to wonder what gets him going. its called inspiration not emulation.

i heard rachael yamagata's coming to singapore in april.

went to woodlands library today to check out 2 books. i've now got my neil gaiman to survive dreary sunday. tomorrow. :(

i hope everyone is doing fine.

2009-02-27T03:11:00.000-08:00

the school had cross country on wednesday.

house tees are white, in fact so white it's almost blue, and we actually got stuck in a downpour halfway through the race. i wasn't even in the competitive run.. the mass runners are my type of people. we hear the whistle and we all.. walk. why run when we can walk and enjoy the breeze. not that the wind in bishan park is remotely close to what you can call a formidable relaxing experience.

was bummed out not because of the rain ; it was quite refreshing to run in the rain... was more upset because the milo truck closed shop and retired back to the road before i could even get my first cup. so everyone's shirt was soaked and here is where you thank the humble sports bra for 1.) making you seem like you actually use the thing for other than PE TWICE A WEEK and 2.) protecting your decency

i had to endure cold rotten feet decomposing within my runners for 2 hours before going home and wrapping them up in a warrrrmm lovely towel. then i web-cammed with wani & looked like an elf. <3

arts fiend

2009-02-24T06:03:00.000-08:00

DO YOU LOVE DRAMA? WHAT ABOUT THE EXCITEMENT OF GOING TO A PLAY FOR STUDENTS, MADE BY STUDENTS, IN ANOTHER SCHOOL?

hmm..... no?

WHAT ABOUT THE ARTS? THE ART OF LANGUAGE & SPEECH & MELODRAMA & A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT OF LIGHTS, SOUND & BREATHTAKING COSTUMES?

.....

ACSian Theatre will be producing a drama called The Odyssey in the month of April. This particular production will be spanning 3 dates - the 9th,10th and 11th of April (Thurs,Fri & Sat).

Naturally, we are already starting ticket sales to ensure a sold-out performance by the season of production. To ensure that you have your tickets well before the tickets are hardly available, please make your purchases soon.

As a reader of my blog, please do consider coming down for this play as believe me, it will be a tremendous experience. I am a part of the wardrobe/costuming team, so it will definitely mean a lot to me if some of you came down, even if the costumes go unnoticed by the ending sentence. (which i highly doubt cos Grecian couture rocks hard. haha)

so here are some details :

DATES AVAILABLE:
Thursday, 9th April
Friday , 10th April
Saturday, 11th April

TIMESLOT:
8pm for all 3 days

VENUE:
Anglo-Chinese Junior College, Faith Centre for Performing Arts

PRICE:
$25 per ticket

If you would like to make an order, please call or message me at this number ; 81451840 or email me at izzaismail@yahoo.com.

COME DOWN WITH YOUR FRIENDS TO ENJOY A NIGHT OF FUN. :D

thank you.

just like heaven

2009-02-22T08:17:00.000-08:00

21st february 2009.

21st february marked my 17th birthday. what's a blog if not narcissistic in some little way, or another? :)

thank you for everybody who thought about me, spared a moment just to wish me happy birthday and more happy moments in time to come. the thought that you guys remembered and messaged me or sent me a comment on fb just to wish me happy birthday means a lot to me. and for those who didn't, don't worry who cares its just a birthday wish! xoxo

the day was incredible. it started with a sort of drama orientation which they called Dramazing Race in school. very fun experience... true enough i am now part of the costuming team. our wardrobe mistress is such a sweet senior. hidayah & i were gushing about how she is damn pretty. you should see her. she's some kind of wonderful.

left early to meet X who got me a veeeerrry cute gift.

it practically is bite-sized! haha great things come in small packages... it uses 110 film which is a little hard to find in singapore kodak stores, but i'm excited anyways. i've been taking pictures these few days and i seriously have no idea how they're gonna turn out but yeah. :D thanks X! we also had lunch (mushroom chicken noodle!) at tong seng and then walked over to the national library to chillax. i didn't have much time with me so then we finally walked to the mcdonald's next to bras basah complex to try this.

must try please! it's exclusive to that particular outlet... plus i think they just revamped the whole place because the last time we went there together it didn't look half as good as it does now. :D it's $2 for a pretty small patty but it tastes reaaally good. i'm sure its laden with MSG but heck, once in a while. why not kan.

so that's all the pictures i have for now.

by the way.

THANK YOU TO MY FAMILY FOR MAKING MY 17TH SUCH A BLESSED AND AWESOME ONE! material possessions are not essential, the fact that i was in the company of my loved ones, even though the venue was not the most utterly glamorous (badminton hall HEHE) was the icing on top of a most delicious cake. yay!

i got a laptop from my parents. it came as such a shock to me that i don't even know what model it is. i don't care. IT'S GORGEOUS I TELL YOU. I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT THANK YOU MAMA & ABAH hehe. it's a hp pavillion dv4 i think. somewhat along those lines. it's so pretty i tell you.

my siblings & abang farid & kak dayanah got me..... *drumroll*

a snowflake charm bracelet from thomas sabo! woooooo!
and of course my cousins got me an 'I' pendant to complement the bracelet.

not to forget the other great presents i got from my other relatives. muaaaaaahh i give you big big kiss :)

OKAY.

so i officially declare that all the costumers for ACSian Theatre, class of 2010, make such a good bunch of friends to hang out with. we trooped down to chinatown along with our leaders to check out the various shops we usually get our stuff from.. fabric, materials, beads, odds & ends, hairpsray and more. very cool. iskandar is the only boy in our team and he reminds me of my cousin malik, i swear hHAAHAH.

okay till here. bye guys.

2009-02-19T06:25:00.000-08:00

just thought i'd spare a little time and blog a little bit about the stuff i'll be learning during jc.

so first up's literature. h2 literature students take 2 papers. this time round only one class, the humanities classes, take Paper 2 which is based on the English Renaissance. the other arts classes are taking elective Paper 5, which is Women in Literature. super interesting, super new & i predict it to be super challenging too. carol ann duffy poems.... jeanette wintersen's Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit and Top Girls for drama. discusses feminism, socialism and post-modernist contexts. so cool.

and of course compulsory Paper 1 which explores Wide Sargasso Sea and Proof for drama. can't wait for that either.

biology's pretty interesting.. it's much much more detailed this time round. we're learning things at the cellular level so yeah...

econs is pretty good. up till today i still haven't really got a clue about what it essentially is about but i'm just glad that i'm following through quite well. and yes, it does makes you sound more mature when you're able to grasp concepts & explain them.

math...... hahahaa. nevermind.

so thats it.

tomorrow will be a long day.we're doing MBTI.. some profiling system. whatever.

oh & seriously, i think young girls should definitely try to dress their age. and seriously, i think one of the best traits of somebody with real monetary assets is humility. and real humility starts with not gloating or bragging about your possessions or branded goods. because that doesn't go down very well with how people might think of how your parents or family has brought you up. whether or not they condone such an attitude from you. or maybe brought you up in such a way that they teach you to shut up about these things because whether or not you have 2 or 4 or 12 expensive dresses or watches does not shape who you are. it doesn't define you as a person.

at least that's what i feel personally. so yeah. :D

cos i know i'd very much prefer to dress down at this age and earn the riches myself and wear the Versace and Marc Jacobs and Balenciaga and whathaveyou with money that goes into my bank account with every single minute of sleep that i sacrifice for my work. MY work. in years to come. Insyaallah.

im ramblingggggggg bye

2009-02-18T04:46:00.000-08:00

oh goodness i am so tired it's even hard to feel inspired right now.... not that much of what i have to do requires any creative energy. laundry. what a drag... i love the weekend when i settle all the needed laundry for the week and so i don't have to worry about running out of clean sets of uniform until wednesday (today)

today was the first meeting with our new form class. i'm officially part of 1AA3. love it. love it.

the class is really a pretty small one. all of us are hybrids of sorts, our subject combinations are pretty much the same, except for a few exceptions here & there. pleased to see that there is a pretty good mix of guys and girls. when i walked in for our first contact time period the girls in my class were SO friendly.

our teacher is mr lim. econs teacher. funny & effective.

i can't believe that school is starting for real soon. i think i made the right choice in going to ACJC. so far i'm loving it. it's always good to stay positive, even if it means bordering on over-optimism seeing as to how it's still the honeymoon period?

today i learnt that many of the bpians who are now in AC are full of resentment because they didn't expect to be posted here. well you learn a new thing everyday. i just hope those friends make the best out of what they've got. as for me i'm just so thankful for getting into a school which i wanted to get to. doing the subjects i'm passionate about. that's enough for me.

i dont' think it's the right time yet to give motivating pep talks on my blog...
but yes. :)

went out with wani today after school. i love you dear!

ps / sorry this post is so disjointed.

ishq bina

2009-02-16T05:16:00.000-08:00

guess the sketch, iced vanilla black tea latte, proposed sundress dates by the beach (& subsequently discovering that you really have no such dress), long breaks between lectures, ending at 1.10pm , recognizing that your secondary school girls are really the best friends you'll ever have, embellished tote bags & an imminent birthday.

i don't have my camera batt charger with me. now's a dead battery.

YAY!

2009-02-15T06:45:00.000-08:00

all hail the great starhub free web sms feature! it has bestowed its great existence upon me and will now render me an official full time cheapskate for it truly truly truly serves its purpose... that is preventing my dad from disowning me at the end of each month!

i love you web sms. please don't ever discontinue this feature, starhub. please. at least not until my current useless plan expires. then i can get the student plan. kickass!

i'm not ready to make nice

2009-02-15T05:52:00.000-08:00

another whole new week of school starting tomorrow...

i am determined to bring my camera more to school to compensate for the lack of photos i've been sharing on this blog & facebook.. it seems many people have uploaded tons of fantastic pictures of their orientations and campfires and newfound friends & all that jazz, and i haven't done anything to give credit to the amazing experiences i've had.. not counting my boring word vomit. :P unless you say you guys secretly lust for it. hehe.

what do you do when you see somebody very close to you, like a family member, grieving? over a loss?

i have to admit before this my heart really was close to being as hard as stone.
i tell somebody i love them, i commit only in word but not in heart. when you love somebody you are supposed to feel wholeheartedly for that someone. & sometimes i reflect upon myself and i don't think i do justice to the beautiful words & promises i make.

yet when you see somebody who you've always seen as a strong figure (physically and emotionally) breaking down over something like that... you tend to soften up and re-look at certain things.

revise certain habits.

like maybe how i treat X. am i really giving him the best that he deserves?

whatever it is. i love you abang. <3

miss independent

2009-02-12T05:38:00.000-08:00

howdy! how is everyone doing? haven't been blogging because i've been simply caught up with many, many exciting things which JC has been offering to me for the past week or so... i have been tied up with feelings of disappointment, bouts of overjoy and just some really, really confusing times which left me more tangled up than i would normally have been.

first up.

let's start with happy things okay?

i met my ball of sunshine on monday! yay!

yeah don't mind the GRAINY picture. damn grainy sial. it was taken using my camera phone... and it was taking at the RaeBurn Park Cafeteria, so it isn't the most glam place to be at. everyone was staring at us up & down anyways. we went there to collect our beautiful paycheques! HAHAHAHA! Finally! Francis was SO SCARY! he had a new look though. no more golden monkey.. he's more.. semi-handsomeboyish-corporate-ahbeng-esque now. whatever la eh izza.

i had to be back early cos it was my father's birthday so i didn't get to spend quite as much time with wani as i would have loved to, but it's okay! there's always another time. :D i loved talking to her about anything under the sun... i missed that so much. i love you!

tuesday was the disappointing bit.

and if anybody else noticed my facebook status which went something like, "Izza Ismail now know howappointment feels like." The whole day just didn't go as well as planned... but strangely enough after the whole thing the dejection i felt simmered down really quick thanks to the amount of support i had.

so let's cut to the chase.

i didn't get selected to take Eng. Lang & Linguisics. i was really, really sad when i looked down the list of 49 selected applicants and didn't see my name printed there. i guess it was a little hard to accept at first because one of the major, major reasons why i went for ACJC was because i wanted to have a shot at that subject. i mean, i could've probably qualified for VJC if not for the desire for me to take ELL.

i didn't get in.

Hafizah was around and she was being really nice <3 and then i called my brother and father and they were assuring me that things mainly happen for a reason. and then i messaged wani later on in the day and she, too, convinced me that it didn't really matter what subject i took as long as i worked hard for it. and that def. helped me guys. so thanks so much.

so the whole day and night was spent figuring out my final subject combination, which had to be confirmed by the next day... i was jumping from either h2 history or h2 bio... the former which i thought would be a more challenging subject because of the UNGODLY AMOUNT OF READING MATERIAL NEEDED... the latter which i had certainly more interest in but was a little weary of because i had not attended a single intro lecture for it.

so yesterday i finally decided on..

H2 Eng Lit
H2 Econs
H2 Bio
H1 Math

i am very happy for the choice i've made...

really, the main reason i took H2 Bio is because i am confident in getting a better grade for it as opposed to H2 History, which i lack the skills for. the demands of the A Level Curriculum for Hist is waaaay different than what i had anticipated. so yeah. what's done is done & i'll work hard.

and for those who think that taking H2 Bio is pointless because "ohhh if you wanna go any science course you must have H2 Chem you knowwww" then.... um...you're right but i've never wanted to get into any science uni courses anyways. :) yeah.

welcome tea for ACSian Theatre was good also. took part in text & dance auditions which were fun as hell...

and today was just the first day of lecture-only week!

and tomorrow is another day of lectures.
plus welcome tea for MCS. :)

okay i shall go slack now. bye.

paper fetish

2009-02-05T05:32:00.001-08:00

is this truly the season of missing? missing loved ones... missing certain memories and certain habits and certain routines.

i cannot deny that sometimes in my new school i feel quite out of touch. it's getting slightly better from day to day, but maybe it's the absence of the few familiar people in my life which make things a little bit harder. my laughter and jokes have all these while been shared with my best friend wani, my crap and tempers tolerated by my classmates and those close to me, and now it feels a little hypocritical for me to go ahead and have fun without them. that's the wrong mindset to have, but still i cannot run away from it.

maybe because i'm so used to hearing a joke and bursting out into laughter and looking around me to see the same faces again & again laughing along with me. now the faces aren't there. in fact the things i say or do and my usual antics which drive my friends crazy don't ellicit any form of reaction with these new people. not their fault, actually. my humour's black and dry. (yeah right)

now it's a matter of speaking well and being confident and letting yourself free (whilst knowing very well your limits) so that these new friends you have would have a basic idea of what kind of person you are. it's challenging. forming the right words to string an entire sentence which should please a crowd. not stumbling on your words and not speaking too fast because you have to remember that these people are not wani. they don't understand you like she does.

so wani, when i say i miss you, i really do. :(

MUAH! i love you girlfriend!

occupants of interplanetary craft

2009-02-03T06:09:00.000-08:00

orientations fun but tiring....

the 2 sets of clothes i brought along with me, along with my purple towel and baby powder came in handy today because we were asked to wallow and crawl across a soggy mudpit and complete a mini maze with 2 OGLs splashing mud and flour and squeezing liquid detergent right onto your hair and clothes.... not a very flattering image but i had fun nonetheless.

at the end of the day's programme, which ended with OG time, the whole girl's toilet was so muddy and dirty and since there were only 2 shower stalls and one was completely clogged up, i queued for the second one and found that it was semi-flooded as well. braved myself but ended up going in anyways because i knew i had to wash up, even if it meant showering with my feet submerged in like, sewage water. haha

we got our orientation tshirts today.
our orientation package too.
had some subject registration talk... we have until 11th to decide.
sample lectures in between to help us choose.

i'm thinking H2 Literature, H2 Eng Language & Linguistics, H1 Econs and H2 Math. Dropping MTL. Provided i pass the profiency test for ELL.

so far the talks have been okay.. im quite sure there are many more to come. i'm just glad that AC has enough sense to leave the sample lectures towards the end of week. the OGLs were telling us like.... we better play reaaally as hard as we can now because right after this it's crunch time or sth like that. which scared me a little.

the gist of most of the talks we've had taught me the most important thing, which is to begin with the end in mind. and they couldn't emphasise more that JC education isn't post-secondary but pre-university.. and it sucks that i haven't really given much thought about which uni i want to go to... all i know is that i'm never gonna enter like, medicine or aerospace engineering or life sciences or something like tt. which explains why i applied for Arts.

so yeah.

i think i've typed too much.
time to rest now. and skype! <3

omg i miss wani.

shimmy shake

2009-02-02T05:19:00.000-08:00

first day of orientation was good.

i had to endure this terrible headache the whole way.. but i managed to cheer my heart out during mass rally, participate wholeheartedly in the games and even roll around in a blue canvas with puddles of murky water. so i guess the day went down well. i'm in the Mushu clan... in Evren group. :D my group leaders are really nice people : Drusilla, Victoria and Wei Han. they are pretty subdued compared to some other leaders, but i like them just that way....

we had talks to begin with and i learnt that every Monday ACJC has chapel for an hour and so the muslim students gathered in another room and we were told that we were officially MCS members. syafiqah's in ACJC too! i was so excited when i saw her in the morning. she's taking Arts too. practically no one else in my OG's taking Arts... and i was thinking about it and sure the opportunities for an Arts student are less but i think i've got myself set.

then then then....

yeah.

sch starts at 8 tomorrow, dunno for some reason la. and i have to go find my thermometer now. shucks.

sequins & seams

2009-01-31T20:09:00.000-08:00

i am very bitter for the fact that i have to still iron and wear my BP uniform which by the way i am not ashamed to proclaim that is bursting at the seams whenever my fat self decides to wear it.

hahaha well i don't think i'm fat lah but the uniform is still small. quickly lah new uniform.

on a happier note, i am having instant roti prata & buttery Oishi scones with an extra knob of butter on the side for breakfast.

downside of JC is PE. shit man.

i got a message today, "so what are you doing today?"
and the reply went, "eat.. relax.. read."

shall do that now. happy first day of school for jc-goers!

mint julep

2009-01-30T19:11:00.001-08:00

it's been days since i made a good post.. with pictures and captions and everything. my life is really dull right now. it's going at a pace that i like, but it's still dull. nothing challenging. i'm liking the things i learn everyday but it's still dull. like now... i'm being very incoherent but i'm not stopping. just.. yet.

okay.

i made it to ACJC... and yes i'm happy. i was stuck in the canteen stall which had no reception so when i suddenly got a message from azlin saying that she hoped i got into acjc and that she had gotten into psychology i freaked out so i went out of the place and i got the message from MOE.. which read

IZZA BTE ISMAIL, you are posted to ANGLO-CHINESE JC, ARTS (22A) under 2009 JAE.

alhamdulillah. i was really psyched when i called my dad and again he asked me if i was happy. then i started getting smses from my friends, and wani too got into psychology! :D congrats to all my friends, and to those who didn't get what they really wanted, all i have to say is that the school or course you get into doesn't necessarily determine how you do... you gotta make use of what you've got and have fun with it.

i know only of jane and rahmuna who's going to ACJC along with me. i'm not freaked out that none of my close friends are going, cos i believe that a new environment calls for new things... but not necessarily a totally different me... i'm pretty confident that i'll keep my current friends and never exchange them for anybody. i love them too much to do so. :P

to wani dearest, i am so happy that you got into the course that you love. you have like what, another 3 months till you start and you better start working! i'll always love you and you'll always be my best friend. i don't care you better not act all cool on me when you start school cos poly life rocks and jc life... idk la. LET'S STUDY HARD NOW THAT WE'VE GOTTEN INTO OUR CHOICE SCHOOLS I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOUUUUUU

to azlin, i knew you reaally wanted to get into a psychology course. you've been talking about it since day one, and from the bottom of my heart, congrats on getting into NP! now everytime i decide to meet up with wani you'll be by her side (with razif too lol). very convenient! hahahah i know both of you guys will totally rock at what you'll be studying, so do it well and do me proud (cheydebah) :P i love you!

to jane, don't worry lighten up i'm sure you'll have a blast! everybody thinks they hate something initially but im veryyy certain the school will grow on you. i love you fellow-ex-OMer!

to rahmuna, omg i can't believe we'll be meeting again in the same school! primary school buddies and now jc buddies too. exciting shit aye? and now you just msged me to tell me hafizah's going as well. exciting exciting... okay okay you're gonna be so busy with hockey and all but we better make it a point to share notes. :P

and to everyone else that i love, good luck in everything and don't forget me! i love you guys!

<3

2009-01-30T00:08:00.000-08:00

YAYYY I GOT INTO HCI!!! :D:D:D:D

faggot.

hahahahaha

amorito spritz

2009-01-28T23:56:00.000-08:00

results tomorrow, right?

very different mix of feelings.

a little scared, yeah. not because i'm so bent on getting my first choice and ONLY my first choice. if that was the case i would've just entered one and left the rest blank. they're called choices for a reason.. and i filled 10 out of 12. all schools i would be contented with entering.

it's more of a surreal feeling that school's going to start again.

am i complaining? hell no.

in fact i am pretty stoked that school is starting again. it's been too long a break for me ... call me crazy but i actually miss school. i don't miss the actual slogging your brain out and the woes of time management, but it's just the overall calming effect which school gives me. that routine which i have subscribed to for years already. i've gotten used to it and am actually starting to like it.

but then again when the actual thing starts, i could be proven wrong.

whatever. i choose how i feel. and right now i'm choosing to try to look at things in the most optimistic way as possible, and take things in the coming study year in a different stride. :D

good luck for tomorrow everyone! let me know where you're going.

tides high

2009-01-26T22:50:00.000-08:00

yesterday we woke up early and went to jalan kayu for prata... together with some of aunts and uncles as well as cousins.

went back to rest for a bit and then at night the cousins met again. iced vanilla latte at starbucks followed by a few rounds of this new game Kak Lah bought, Scattergories. the name of the game reminds me of Spattergroit.

all of us were superduper hungry so we drove to Amirah's Grill AAAAAND.

i had the best tasting hummus! i love it. :)

i also had the usual spaghetti bolognaise. i like the one at Amirah's Grill because it has a Middle Eastern kick to it. it does not taste like the boring Swensens' kind, trust me. go try it.

all of us were tired, plus not everyone was around, so we drove to Kak Eity's place to deliver their much-wanted ice cream and to stick around to watch a little bit of Hancock.

and that's it!

i bought Seventeen magazine and they featured Vanessa Hudgens in a tiny section, but i loved her dress SO MUCH that i went to look for a bigger picture.

isn't it pretty? AND SO practical too. then of course i couldn't resist saving other pretty dresses on the red carpet.

the colour and that floral detail!

its a classic cut...

im out. bye.

always on time

2009-01-25T06:31:00.000-08:00

:) hi there.

i cannot believe that i haven't been blogging for almost a week now. it didn't feel that long. they say that time flies when you're having fun, but i won't force myself to conform to that statement ; furthermore i don't think a whole week away from your bed and laptop and everything else is fun exactly, but seriously, i didn't really feel the week passing by. maybe because the previous week was mainly driven by routine and obligations. that explains it i guess.

if anybody is wondering by i've been sleeping over my aunts place so often, it's because i'm helping her out. it's a pretty tough job, i should say. a very eye-opening experience. you might snigger and say, "hey, it's just a fricking primary school canteen job. don't sensationalize the whole thing." but really, it's all the sweating out you do in the kitchen and the early mornings that make it quite unbearable at times. i wouldn't say it's a dream job. indeed, it isn't. i've learnt that many a time, circumstances drive people into doing jobs that give little pay-out for the ungodly amount of work they have to put in.

in a primary school canteen stall, you have to sell each dish at under a dollar. you are competing among many, many other stalls which cater to different tastes among the student population. it's very unlike the Sitex Show which i worked for previously, where you could negotiate your way through and there were chances of convincing customers to purchase your product, hence increasing sales for the day. young students either like your food, or totally hate it. :)

very grateful for the experiences i've gained for the entire break i've had. they have been very enriching. it's common sense for me to write about things which have made a significant difference to me, and it's not surprising at all that i have written (rather enthusiastically, too) about both my job stints during this time. the best thing about them is that i have learnt to appreciate things a little more, heh.

i might be helping again for the rest of the week later on before i get the JAE Posting Results. very high chance. i don't mind.. since nobody else is free in the family and i feel obliged to do it since i'm free. it's been long since i've helped anyways, and i guess a little selflessness could help. :D

2009-01-19T04:36:00.000-08:00

you and your pseudo-motivational-book expressions. you and your analytical ways. tsk.

i cut bangs and i look like a ditzy girl now. and yes, contrary to popular belief, i am NOT ditzy. :)

am away at my aunt's place once again to help out at the canteen. i'm loving this! waking up at 5AM and trooping down to the primary school. i look like a makcik canteen, period. not that i mind. it's a good feeling to have a change in environment sometimes. this morning this lady came up to get some noodles and she had this holier-than-thou thing going on and uhhh nevermind

i kinda lost my train of thought (HAHA AT DITZY THING ABOVE)

k bye

nine million bicycles

2009-01-16T03:31:00.000-08:00

submitted the JAE thing. hope i get my first choice. :)

please mek out with us! (now i just feel stupid writing this)

toast to shine

2009-01-15T08:07:00.000-08:00

hello faggoty roaches!!!!!!

well im kinda pissed right now. not with anybody or anything but with myself lah. :(

my whole family went for dinner and then when we were done my parents were too tired so they wanted to go home but my mom wanted some toiletries so my brother and i took my sister's car and we drove to Mustafa Centre to get the toiletries and makeup for me.

before that my mom handed me $100 to keep, and i was so sure that i had kept it inside my jeans pocket.

so confident was i that it was sitting nicely in it that i never bothered to check in the hour that my sister & i were combing through the perfect foundation for me etc etc

when we arrived at the cashier i put my hands in and basically it's gone.

i don't really wanna elaborate on this.

it hurts too much, like what i said to wani, since it's quite a possibility that it somehow dropped out of my pocket around that area. it hurts to think that some bangla might've picked it up and spent it on some... intoxicating drink or something I DONT KNOW LAAARGH

lucky day for him aye

:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

now i've got a whole bag of new makeup items which i'm too guilty to even touch. the shrinkwrap is still on (THAT'S A RARITY SINCE I LOVE TEARING THOSE SUCKERS OFF)

but i have this intention in me to pay my mom back once i get my pay (Albeit a measley one) at the end of the month. I HOPE IT ISN'T TOO LATE!!!!!!

ok bye

2009-01-14T16:35:00.001-08:00

hello ignorant morons

ok just kidding.

i'm really bored. i went to the library yesterday and borrowed 8 books, which was silly of me because i wouldn't be able to finish reading them amidst all the frenzy here. and when i say frenzy i mean choosing schools which would definitely affect my future. this week is very important actually. i think i myself fail to understand how important it is. it's like, i'm playing around with 3 schools which i've already thought about and jumbling them up for 1st position. it always changes. it never stays.

but i think i've decided with ACJC being my first choice. it's because of the good arts stream there and the new English Language Studies subject. it's something new and it's something i could only get in ACJC. there are slight doubts about the culture there, but i don't mind. just takes a little more discipline.

before that my first choice was supposed to be NJC, but i just.. don't think i would be able to cope. besides, my L1R5 after bonus points is 5, and that just touches the cut-off point.

as for VJC.... i've always wanted to go there, but after mulling about it for quite a long time, i think the travel time would be more of a hindrance, especially when it comes to my 2nd year, where things would be more fast-paced. i have always had the privilege of traveling to schools near to home, and i would like to keep it that way. Theatre Studies & Drama is available even at ACJC, but i've lost interest.

so that's it.

let's talk about my results yeah.. just cos i don't mind and it would serve me a hypocrite if i were to dislike people getting all hissyfitty about showing theirs, and then not tell mine. so yeah.

L1R5: 9
L1R4: 7

English : A1
Literature: A1 (AAAAAAAAAHHHH if there is one thing 'unprecedented' then it is THIS! :D )
Comb Humans.: B3
Higher Malay: A2 (my advice, WRITE LONG ESSAYS. narrative, preferably.)
French: A2 (my sister got A1. but still, SCORE!)
Maths: A2
A Maths: B3
Biology: A2
Chemistry: B3

So that's it. After typing it out, it doesn't seem too fantastic? HAHAHAHAHA

Still deciding if I should continue French. My family doesn't mind... but what the family doesn't know is that French at H2 requires coursework and a whole bunch of shitty things?

SUPERHUMAN

2009-01-14T06:34:00.000-08:00

IZZA: i just ordered my lipbalms online. u wanna know the flavours?
X: Yeah sure..
IZZA: ok.banana cream pie,milk&cookies,snow cream,blackberry buttercream,london fog,strawberry marshmallow,after dinner mint,pumpkin cheesecake
X: U order all?!so much?!
IZZA: actually i need to order 9 to make the order most worth it... :P can rite!!! eh suggest one flavour i should look for?
X: Caramel chicken!haha

o level results

2009-01-12T06:19:00.000-08:00

hahah i am quite tired right now. tired, but nevertheless thankful. as the girls & i entered the hall (and were pretty late) my stomach was churning so badly that i felt i could vomit anytime. i made it a point to go to the toilet before that but there was this sensation which made me feel like answering the call of nature every now & then.

the school did amazingly. but somehow i wasnt (and still am not) at all affected by it because most of the students up there came from the Triple Science classes and they're bound to have studied really hard for the exams.. so congratulations to the immense number of students who flooded the stage ; you must've made the school proud.

i just found it a little insensitive for them to initiate the BP Cheer right after they received their outstanding results, leaving the rest of us (clinging on to the very hope that we did decently well) just gawking at them?

so i got my slip and it looked like this

yup. you sorta can see my address but what the heck. i treated it like vermin.. i put it on the floor as far as i could from myself and simply refused to even look at the results slip, let alone tear open the borders of FORM A. haha

eventually i decided to just look at it... and truth be told i didn't really know how to react. i've never been good at mental sums so i didn't really know what to expect. by then i felt a little odd because all my other friends had started to cry when they realised that they had passed subjects they had been failing throughout, or because they had scored particularly well for a certain subject. for me, i didn't really know what to feel.

i finally tore open FORM A, which listed clearly my L1R5 and LIR4 respectively, and that's when it became clear to me what i got. and i was so thankful, Alhamdulillah.

i proceeded to calling my family members, starting with my mom & dad. they didn't really understand whether my results were good or not, but it was extremely heartwarming when my father asked, "Are you happy with your results?" and i could confidently say yes. it was such a defining moment when they asked me that, because it showed to me that they have tremendous confidence in me and they actually trust me in making many of my own decisions. they have never really been the assuming type, and it extends to such an important occasion such as this. i knew even if i didn't do as well as i did, they would've been proud of me. :) thanks mama and abah!

then i called my sister and told her. she was waiting outside (she had taken a day off from work) and was obviously pleased with what i got. the previous day we had spent the day together fixing our hair/etc, and she must've sensed how jittery i was about receiving the results. it was nice to have her support :D

i called abang and he was in lecture so i think he went out of the room? and then i told him and i could tell he was happy for me. :)

abang farid & kak dayanah were also very, very, supportive and i am just overall very grateful that i have such support from my family members. thanks!

okay some pictures.

had this at delifrance after that.

aaaannd some pics of previous day when i cut my hair.

this is a stupid pic cos its blurry but it gives u an idea of the length of my hair before.

after @ sephora

finally in singapore!

voluminous eh?

bye bye!

coffee bean's pasta

hmm okay.

i guess maybe i would share my results online another day. i don't mean to sound overconfident or over-happy but i really am just satisfied with what i got. in no way am i trying to say that what i got were FANTASTIC results because there were many who did better than me.

i'm just glad that i did the best i could and i'm very bersyukur that the results turned out well. :) and i'm very thankful.

i'm so tired.

didn't even make a sound

2009-01-11T19:48:00.000-08:00

i am so nervous! :) (salah emoticon lah sia)

just like a Calgon commercial

2009-01-10T21:59:00.000-08:00

just some random pics from previous days. not in any order.

hahahahahaa!

the block opposite mine

somebody get me a makeup bag NOW!

alas, it's R21! :( tkpelah, gambar pun jadi.

k done!

2009-01-10T17:09:00.001-08:00

what do you do when the one you love tells you that he cannot be himself with you anymore? that there is a group of people out there who could provide him with the warm comfort that you used to be so able to give?

what do you do when your head tells you the polar opposite of what you heart keeps urging you to do? address the matter at hand; one which requires pragmatism or sacrifice?

what do you do when you realise that you have changed so much that he cannot feel any slight happiness even as the both of you are holding hands, walking about at the same places you used to?

when even the sight of you smiling and laughing couldn't cheer him up anymore,

when your attempt at compromise seems like a big pretend,

when your tears bear no significance.

it's uncanny how you get so used to grazed knees and bruised arms, but an unpredictable heartbreak always seems to get you every.single.time.

saving grace

2009-01-10T07:55:00.001-08:00

when you said you'd spend less time with them & try to make things better, i thought you really meant it.

2009-01-10T07:48:00.000-08:00

i haven't been blogging. reason being i haven't had access to internet.

spent the last week sleeping over at my aunt's place and helping her out in the morning at her canteen stall at wellington primary. very refreshing and exciting experience. totally unglamorous but was a worth-it experience.

then on thursday and friday i left early to go for poly openhouses with my lovelies.

i am very, very impressed with Ngee Ann's Mass Comm. maybe due to my preconceived desire to apply for that course, but also because i talked to the lecturer and she explained the poly route better. i have a clearer idea of it now.

i also realised that i have this thing with talking in such close proximity with strangers. like the aforementioned lecturer, she caked on her pink eyeshadow and it somehow bugged me. and another girl at SP's Optometry booth had a perfectly trimmed straight-across fringe but there was this part which was hanging slightly lower the rest of the hair and it obscured part of her eye, and my feet itched everytime i stared at it, no kidding.

whatever.

results out on monday. and i'm like..... uhh...

:(

bound by the laws of a same routine

2009-01-03T06:48:00.000-08:00

note to self : stop dressing down and start dressing up! start a whole new makeup regime, STICK TO IT. never, ever, skimp on moisturizer before applying powder. oh, and while at that, start getting EXPENSIVE foundation.

i actually am using cheap ass compact powder every single day. it doesn't really even make a difference, plus the powder puff is beginning to stink... really bad. something like wet socks or something? haha i made wani smell it after swimming the other day but she said it didn't really reek that bad. but trust me, it's bad now.

i am beginning to think that i dress for comfort too much... yeah i should make a more conscious effort to look more put together next time i go out.

anyways, i didn't go for the BPGHS Marchback to the New Campus at Choa Chu Kang.. couldn't be bothered. i only got back at around midnight the previous day and forgot entirely about the event. when i got home and received the message from the school i was like, "whaaaaaat." don't expect me to go lah. for a while i did consider digging out my house tee but after glancing into the wardrobe and deciding that i couldn't see that unmistakable shade of blue anywhere within reach, i gave up. plus bibik mus took back my house key so it wasn't really practical to attend the thing.

it's not even for me what the place. only thing i regret is not being able to see how the new hall is like. seeing as to how we're gonna get our results slip there and all.. and hearing wani's description of it just sent chills down my spine (haha yeah rite)

so the next day i woke up late and went over to my makcik's place to get the key back from bibik mus. but i decided to trespass upon their hospitality (HAHA I GOT THAT FROM DUMBLEDORE) and got a free lunch too! and i ended up napping there for like 2 hours after swallowing some painkillers for my hellish cramps.

after a while i looked at the time and decided that it was the perfect time to meet him because it was late afternoon so we met at yishun and trained to bugis where we met syad.... we had late lunch (linner? dunch?) at banquet @ raffles hospital. the fishball noodles there not impressive at all lah. i liked the grilled dory with rice, though.

then walked to haji lane and i tried sheesha for the first time ever!!! omg i sound bloody jakun but yes we went to Cafe Le Caire before the usual late night crowd kicked in and we got a good table near the windows and i tried it like thrice? hhaha i was too embarassed to suck the pipe ... later if i do alot2 of times also people think like i perasan pro liddat. HAHAHA but it was melon mint i think? and to hide my lack of experience i ordered a whole pot of blackcurrant & lemon tea which tasted.... well let's just say it didn't taste as good as it smelled? HAHAH

so then we left before maghrib and i bumped into aisyah and a whole bunch of seniors :) i think they were from the marchback or what la... and then i saw 2 more people i know from friendster! not personally, but yeah.

conclusion? haji lane is a nice place to be with if you're with a few close friends who have laidback personalities and are not "affected" in anyway. when i say affected i mean pretentious. therefore deeming them, generally, cool people. i like! :)

hehehe i have finally started scrapbooking again. i used my vintage storybook i got from london when i was primary 2 as the medium... recycled a floral skirt and wrapped the cover with it.. so the covers green and floral and i'm leaving the pages in and going along with it... i am excited.

ps/ this sudden urge spilled over me as i was walking along northpoint earlier today with him to get the new Pussycat Dolls album? can anybody explain this? my love for their new song "i hate this part" as made me an obsessed fangirl. ok no i just really like that song.

pop the fizz

2009-01-02T20:04:00.000-08:00

BELATED: Happy 2009 everyone! :)

How did I spend the last few minutes of 2008?

Sharing a hotel room with my siblings and Abang Farid, with takeaway fish & chips, seated on the window sill looking out for fireworks on the Kuala Lumpur city landscape. It was pretty, not quite beautiful, but pretty all the same, as the fireworks erupted on 3 separate occasions... the one at KL Central lasted the longest (as we predicted) but I was mainly transfixed at the ones near the Petronas Twin Towers. They were the same as the ones during the Singapore Fireworks Festival, and I was tired of anticipating for newer kinds, but it was okay.

It's a little surreal to think that it's already 3 days into the new year, and I'm left sitting, wondering what I've accomplished for the last 2 months of holidays. More importantly, what I've achieved for the whole year of 2008. All these numbers are close to driving me crazy, but I've decided to make a simple post to conclude everything which has made this year more than complete for me.

In a nutshell I guess 2008 was mainly focused on getting through the national exams. That being the main focus, I can't possibly forget the littlest things that helped me to mature into a more grounded girl. Many of the problems that I've faced, that I have solved with the help of friends & family and of course with Faith in Him have definitely helped me to be more aware in a lot more things.

Since this is a blog and most of my friends would be reading it, I just wanna say generally, thanks for having made 2008, the last year in BPGHS, a truly blessed and special one. Each of you have definitely left a unique impression on me, and I am thankful for that.

To a year of greater things to come, with guidance from God, Insyaallah :) Keep your family and friends closer and let's be merry! HEHE

muah!

the warlock's hairy heart

2008-12-29T19:15:00.000-08:00

i forgot to blog about this, and only remembered now as i was searching for a good song to embed into this blog's template.

awhile back i went to australia and before that he passed me his mp3 player, a creative zen or something which he luckily picked up near his school. apparently an over-excited NSman dropped it near the bus stop at his school. it's a pretty good inference, i should say, since Maju Camp is way near his school and only an NSman would have Japanese Anime videos and semi lame-ass music taste? c'mon, the guy had FUAD RAHMAN hahaha.

amidst all that, he did have quite good taste, since he probably bought many albums and ripped full albums into the player. and while listening to the songs one night in Australia, i came across this whole album of Katie Melua songs. i made a mental note to get her album when i came back but never got round to it.

so yeah. this is me just sharing good music with you guys.

click here to hear one of my favourite songs of the album, which happens to be the title song of the album. it's called Piece by Piece and the lyrics mean so much.

First of all must go
Your scent upon my pillow
And then I'll say goodbye
To your whispers in my dreams.
And then our lips will part
In my mind and in my heart,
Cos your kiss
Went deeper than my skin.

Piece by piece
Is how I'll let go of you
Kiss by kiss
Will leave my mind one at a time,
One at a time.

First of all must fly,
My dreams of you and I,
There's no point in holding on to those
And then our ties will break,
For your and my own sake,
Just remember,
This is what you chose.

Piece by piece
Is how I'll let go of you
Kiss by kiss,
Will leave my mind one at a time
One at a time

I'll she'd like skin,
Our memories of lazy days,
And fade away the shadow of your face.

Piece by piece
Is how I'll let go of you
Kiss by kiss,
Will leave my mind one at a time
One at a time
One at a time
One at a time

anyway, i am taking a last-minute trip to KL this evening. :) pray for my safe arrival and journey. will update with the great food (Halal Kenny Rogers!) and my much-anticipated massage. who knows, my idea of a 2-night get away might differ greatly with that of my siblings.

au revoir!

brambleberry preserves

2008-12-29T02:21:00.000-08:00

i cannot for the life of me seem to get this nasty, buggin' migraine off my head. it's been following me around since morning. and that's saying quite a lot since i woke at around 6pm after a long time of not doing so and enjoyed the lovely morning air for a while. and then i spoilt the whole thing by going back to sleep in the middle of reading my new library book, Gifted by Nikita Lalwani.

got it from last Saturday when i trained over to the East for a proposed Brunch of Nasi Lemak at Changi Village. instead of having it we somehow ordered Nasi Ayam Goreng which i've always wanted to try, and found it not all that delicious. what a way to save money, though. the whole meal plus a huge mug of ice lemon tea cost us $4 each. then we had our old-school library date at Tampines Regional Library where we sat and he found his favourite Rupert Thomson dystopian-society-themed books and I found my favourite quirky read plus some Brit Chick Lit to feast my eyes with. The covers are always so pretty.

I was craving coffee but we watched Bedtime Stories instead and finished the day with a meal at Food Culture. I took the fastest route back home and within seconds of crashing the bed, I fell asleep..... I loved the day. :)

refreshments on the left side, please.

2008-12-24T06:33:00.000-08:00

today was such a refreshing experience. gotta thank Wani for that. like i said in my previous post, we were supposed to go to Botanic Gardens. but all our hopes of lying under the mild sunshine with tuna sandwiches were dashed as both of us woke up pretty early in the morning & found ourselves blessed with the most amazing weather... it was cool all around Singapore i believe; the numerous text messages from my friends living from the East and the West ("don't be late for your picnic girl, it's the perfect weather to sleep in!" and "i don't ever wanna wake up") bearing testament to how glorious it was to stay snug under the covers.

so obviously we couldn't have our picnic. it was a day of last minute plans, so we hit Jurong Point 2. it was both our second time exploring the new giant of a mall. i know i've said this before in my Sub Rosa album at Facebook, but the place has many, many new attractive shops. too bad that JP happens to be one of the most crowded malls, and it just isn't that enjoyable when you gotta push your way around.

maybe we should try somewhere quieter next time yeah? should be fun.

so we bought our Coffee Bean drinks and found Emsaiful working the register, HAHA. he was wearing his Santa hat and all.. i must imagine his work being very tough because the queue just wouldn't cease. we then carried our drinks around and when we we hungry enough, we sat at Banquet and had our dinner.

the rest of the night was spent touring around the area, old and new JP.. and we even surveyed the new Fairprice Xtra where we could be offered jobs? HAHA it's quite cool lah.

i really had fun today, laughing and just making a total fool of ourselves lah. it's quite sad that wani & i would most probably be going our separate ways later on. damn.

and when i went home it was raining but i bought bubble tea for my mom and she was quite happy? hehe.

ok pics up at facebook! :)

buttercup strings

2008-12-23T04:35:00.000-08:00

Hello :)

Well today Bibik came again and cleaned up all the rooms and even cooked me a nice lunch. I sorta forgot how nice it was to have a good home-cooked meal straight in the comforts of home, since it's been really long since my mom took time off to cook. It was a simple meal but it gave me that inner feeling of warmth which made me only stop when I was more than full. I keep getting told to eat till I was 70% full.. but I broke all the rules today. Who can resist rice and ayam kicap and fried tempe. AAAAHH

I didn't have my hands on the laptop so I spent a good portion of the day curling up under my sister's duvet and reading her copy of PS. I Love You. I recall watching the movie with her a year back, maybe? And I'm now finishing the book.. it's quite a good read, tear-jerker definitely but who am I to judge, I cry at every single small thing that appeals to me. Like when I'm in a movie, I cry all the time. It's been long since I cried whilst reading, so it was a good experience. Didn't hurt that I could envision Hilary Swank and Gerard Butler playing out the whole script in a tiny corner of my head.. I'm more a visual person I should say?

There was also supposed to be an 01 Picnic which we planned on organising since the end of the O Levels. We were supposed to plan it fully today by phone or whatever and actually have it tomorrow, but somebody decided to not make himself free. Okay so actually Firdaus' parents are a little strict.. no worries.. Wani & I haven't exactly figured out a back-up plan but we were thinking of just having a small get-together at Botanic Gardens tomorrow with food and a mat.. I'm sure we'll think of something. It just bums me out slightly that this idea which has been long brewing is not actually gonna happen? Doesn't help matters that my mom kinda set it clear that tomorrow's outing would be the last one I'm permitted to attend till next year?

She's probably afraid I'll be sneaking away to the Countdown. No, I'm not a fan. It's not my thing.

BTW, the Christmas Lights along Orchard Road are beyond disappointing. Call me a fussy Singaporean but I saw them yesterday after having dinner at Far East and they look like they cost a bomb.. but it didn't seem to have much of an impact lah. I've seen better during Deepavali. Memang da dinamakan Festival of Lights. HAHA

AAAND the talk of results coming out next year is quite the talk of the town now, ain't it? Everytime the mention of it comes up my stomach goes up into a tight knot, it's just an indescribable feeling. It's like, I'm getting bored of 2008 already and would LOVE to have some change going around.. imagine a new school, broader perspectives, etc etc.. but at the same time i feel like I'm not totally prepared to face the results? Oh well. I hope I get better at dealing with this. I guess it's only normal the way I'm feeling.

I've thought over what I want to do for the next phase of my life.

There is somehow this very blurred vision of me getting into my choice course at TP, and then you know.. working till enrollment comes in for the prospective poly students. But, practicality-wise, it's not a very good option. Besides, my family seems more keen on me going to JC. But let's just see how my results are, eh?

2008-12-21T01:31:00.000-08:00

HAHAHA OMG I'M SO EMBARASSED AT MYSELF.

my dad just came in the room and i was looking at mylipstuff.com. yeah that's my favourite lipbalm company, i order from them annually because they're based in the States and it's basically just an awesome brand yeah.. and Wani and I have been talking about getting some balms recently.

so then my dad walks in and kinda spies on the flavours? hahaha so then he tells me to get ready because we're going out and i ask where? and he said JURONG POINT, to EAT. and i actually pumped my fist (both fists? lmao) in the air and went "YES!" not even the cool "YESSSAAAR" or anything, just YES.

hahaha i think my dad almost died cos he didn't think he would come to this point of realising what a lame ass daughter he has

but i have a reason la behind my over excitement
claypot chicken rice :P
trust me it's finger licking good
and sorry wani and azlin but sebenarnye i've been craving it since the swimming outing we had.

I WASN'T HONEST HAHAHA
we bought KFC and i went like "YUM YUM"

claypot chicken rice PWNS KFC

k bye

spring cleaning.

2008-12-19T01:33:00.001-08:00

hello pricks & aunty lucy

i did some cleaning up of my beloved accessories today.

plus a peek at the lipsmackers i got from aussie! *squeals*

2008-12-17T22:56:00.000-08:00

wuddahell? i didn't know twilight isn't out till today.

means... i watched a sneak peek?
GREAT. :D

2008-12-16T22:34:00.000-08:00

i have this sudden desire to shop my heart out. i didn't get much shopping done in Fremantle, apart from the luscious holiday Lipsmacker collections plus a few special gifts for some of my girls <3, so it wouldn't hurt, would it? my parents took a week's leave to get some spring cleaning done. that's what's happening downstairs as i'm typing this out. right now my room looks much better because bibik mus did so much unpacking and we threw out a lot of stuff. i still had my primary 6 assesment books can you believe it?

well the o level stuffs were first to go, except for some of the textbooks because my mother was vehemently against the idea of me throwing the science and maths books away. she was saying, "so confident you don't need them anymore huh?" which scared me a little because maybe she was referring to me not passing my subjects? oh my god. of course the more optimistic choice was to think that she was really just referring to keeping the books for future use.

so yeah, back to shopping.

i am in such dire need of new clothes.

i got a pair of light acid wash jeans , a pair of mauve espadrilles and a pair of glittery strappy sandals from Australia. didn't get one dress or top even though they were having christmas season sales like mad. didn't find the collections there interesting.

I NEED BASICS.
and tons of accessories.

oh god.

:)